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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/14/2008 at 09:06
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The more familiar you are with the characters, the more you'll like these...
 
 
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Subject: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
 

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
 
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
 
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
 
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
 
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
 
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
 
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
 
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
 
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
 
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
 
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
 
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
 
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
 
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
 
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
 
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
 
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
 
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
 
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
 
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2009, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.
 
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
 
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
 
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
 
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
 
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
 
Michelle Obama : Because the chicken was WHITE and the road was BLACK and the chicken wanted to walk all over the black man!
 
Correct Answer:  To show a possum that it can be done.



Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/14/2008 at 09:16
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The REAL ANSWER is:  He wanted to take a little chicken sh*t over there.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/14/2008 at 10:27
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No%20No NO! NO! No%20No Michelle Obama insists she has it right and has now joined DICK CHENEY's proposal to attempt to manipulate her husbands true agenda of CHANGE! for this nation.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/14/2008 at 17:04
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The Armadillo and the possum were arguing about whether or not it could be done. Shortly after this successful attempt by the chicken both the possum and the armadillo were tragically killed. Now the chicken faces felony wrecklessness charges. Since he has no real job guess who foots his defense bill? 

Edited by cyborg - July/14/2008 at 17:04
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/14/2008 at 17:27
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Originally posted by cyborg cyborg wrote:

The Armadillo and the possum were arguing about whether or not it could be done. Shortly after this successful attempt by the chicken both the possum and the armadillo were tragically killed. Now the chicken faces felony wrecklessness charges. Since he has no real job guess who foots his defense bill? 
Laugh%20Above
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2008 at 07:59
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 Let that dumb chicken cross in front of my car ..... " Honey ... I brought supper home tonight .... you don't even have to pluck it .... the radiator did that for you "
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2008 at 08:31
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Now I am once again reminded about the RKO movie " The Big Steal" 1948 ---where Robert Mitchum was racing down a road on location in Mexico ( with ultra-hot Jane Greer with him!! Bucky ) being pursued by another Buick driven by a homicidal William Bendix---and Bob RAN OVER a REAL CHICKEN in the road!!!    Feathers, dead chicken flapping, wiggling, etc. all over as the action continued and the cameras rolled!!!   Get%20Your%20Popcorn%20Ready
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2008 at 08:41
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'NO ANIMALS WERE INJURED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FILM"
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2008 at 09:47
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oh yes..........I forgot about the Chicken Stunt Man Union...............CUT!   PRINT THAT ONE!!  Good job, Rodrigo!!!   Bandito
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2008 at 13:46
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Merry%20ChristmasOh boy! ROADKILL STEW!!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2008 at 16:41
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 I hit a d*m bird once ... sucked those feathers into my radiator/air conditioner  ... had a heck of a time getting them out ...  Cencored
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/18/2008 at 00:35
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I did not hit a chicken however there was a large buzzard feeding on road kill and I was unable to stop I didnt think he would fly straight toward me, they dont gain altitude very fast,   heavy rain, when it became apparent he was comming toward me - I stomped the brakes loosing traction, sliding down the wet road at about 60. Yikes Brakes - hit them and get off of them and steer. That Emergency vehicle operators class probably saved my life.
Bird smacked right in the windshield sounded like a baseball hit it. 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/18/2008 at 07:40
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I always blow my horn for buzzards about 50 yards or more away......try to give time to taxi down the runway and get airborne before I'm on top of them.....
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/20/2008 at 17:52
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Once hit a guinea on a 85 toyota 4x4. It took out the whole grill, bent the hood latch bracket and pushed the radiator into the fan. Never cared for them critters much since then. Gave me a idea though. We ever run low on bombs, we can drop guineas from 1000+ ft. and take out buildings! Yikes
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