New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Tips on living with your elderly folks
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Check GunBroker.com for SWFA's No Reserve and No Minimum bid firearm auctions.

Tips on living with your elderly folks

 Post Reply Post Reply   Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/23/2009 at 17:53
scooter65 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Avatar

Joined: December/29/2006
Location: mi
Status: Offline
Points: 3567
OK, deadpan serious question.  Dads getting down in the back and moms not a driver so we are working on plans to move them in with us.  The plan is to build a new hut with the inlaw suite attached via the garage.  Love em to death but didnt' really want them directly under foot.
 
Anybody else out there been down this road?  Would welcome all tips on their experiences.  Would like to avoid any rough waters that I could.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/23/2009 at 18:50
billyburl2 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Avatar

Joined: January/08/2009
Location: Cottonwood, AZ
Status: Offline
Points: 3873
From experiece, the more personal space you can afford each other, the better! When my Mom was passing from stomach cancer my family was transplanted into my parents house to help with her care and with the bills. I couldn't afford the other way around. For the most part it was really good but the kids were real small at the time and added stress to the situation. Since her death, I have offered a few times to move my Dad in but he won't have anything to do with it. Anyway my suggestion is the most space you can afford,includeing a kitchen if you can. Because Moms like to cook, for the most part(hope I am not make any assumptions?)
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/23/2009 at 19:04
lucytuma View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
Optics Jedi Knight
Avatar

Joined: November/25/2007
Location: Wisconsin
Status: Offline
Points: 5389

Nothing to add, I believe you are already doing what's right; caring for the people you love.

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/23/2009 at 19:36
Urimaginaryfrnd View Drop Down
MODERATOR
MODERATOR
Avatar
Resident Redneck

Joined: June/20/2005
Location: Iowa
Status: Offline
Points: 13877

If you are going to build something you might give some thought to if building a duplex would work and if you are selecting the floorplan you can do things that are not typical like making one side a 3 bd 1 3/4ba and the other a 2bd 1 1/2 ba.  This would allow you options in the future when they are not around and you might want to supliment your income with rental income from the second side.  You could design it with the garage space between the two units to add privacy from disturbing noise or add insulation for noise between units.  I think this would be better than building a garage apartment from the standpoint of using it as future rental property or being able to sell it for more in the future. I've had mom live with us and currently she lives in a senior apartment complex which works out better for both sides, she doesnt drive but there are a lot of senior services including senior center lunches that give her companionship of people in her age group.  I go by and run her errands and shop with her on one of my days off.   You need to think this through as far as if they are able to cook for themselves because if you are expected to prepare meals for them you are taking on a lot of being tied down that will ultimately make it unplesant because they dont appreciate schedule changes and things not happening at a set time.  Good Luck

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/26/2009 at 06:54
budperm View Drop Down
Optics Retard
Optics Retard
Avatar
show me your sheep!!

Joined: January/01/2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Status: Offline
Points: 27631
A house plan with the garage seperating the two living quarters is a good Idea.  Couple of suggestions.  No stairs for the old folks.  An intercom between units so they can be monitored or call for help while maintaining privacy.  You might consider steps into your quarters from garage to minimize visits and interuptions.  Old folks are usually very set in their ways, routines are often the only way they can remain functional and independent.  Expect a lengthy adjustment period at move in and you might have to help them establish a new routine.  Enjoy their company as much as possible while you can, when their gone their gone.  I have a full in-law apartment in my basement.  The only thing I share is the laundry which is at the top of the basement steps.  My daughter and husband and my 1st grandson are currently living there while they get their feet under them.  I can't tell you how much I am enjoying my grandson (6months old).  I was working 2 jobs when my two were little and missed most of the early developmental things.  things like the first step, saying their first words, the first time their actually reach for you to hold them.  The first time they hug back and/or kiss back.  The daughter is tickled pink I am taking such an active involvement in the baby, the X is jealous as hell! (life is good)!
 
Sorry got off subject.  The reason I mentioned my in-law apartment was because it was intended for my mother but with only step access to the laundry and a relatively long walk to the car from the basement outside entrance, she doesn't like it because of her bad knee.
Throw in the seasonal weather change cause I live in Pennsylvania and her in Florida and it is a no-go.  She can't handle cold weather anymore, every time she visits during winter months she catches Pneumonia, so she now only visits during the summer.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/26/2009 at 08:34
scooter65 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Avatar

Joined: December/29/2006
Location: mi
Status: Offline
Points: 3567
Great tips.  Yes on garage seperation, yes on the no stairs, yes on the kitchen, putting in wheel chair width doors etc... (they don't need them yet) and yes on thinking about future live ins with kids.... just in case. 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/26/2009 at 08:37
8shots View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
Optics Jedi Knight
Avatar
Lord Of The Flies

Joined: March/14/2007
Location: South Africa
Status: Offline
Points: 5753
I did that once. Was with the in-laws. Biggest trick was not to get caught in the middle. If the wife was upset with Mom or Dad, she expects you to also be upset with them and vica-versa.
Good luck.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/26/2009 at 10:19
budperm View Drop Down
Optics Retard
Optics Retard
Avatar
show me your sheep!!

Joined: January/01/2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Status: Offline
Points: 27631
I see you mentioned wheelchair width doors.  Excellent idea.  Full kitchen is a must.  With my mother, she has taken what used to be 2-3 hours of chores and blown them out to take up her day.  This equates....NOTHING happens quickly.  A 'quick run' to the store will take at least a half day.  My mom won't even walk down to the end of the driveway to get the paper without spending a couple of hours in front of a mirror.  I made the mistake of just taking her three item list and popping out and getting the stuff.  Said and done in 20 minutes or less.  She would get mad and depressed.  It took me a while to realize that this was a big adventure to her that I had spoiled.  It isn't easy slowing down to their pace of life!  Grocery shopping with mom is unbelievably painful  I can fill two carts with over $250 worth of groceries for myself and find her still in isle 2 of 14 with a shopping list of only 15 things mostly still to find, WHEW!  I am getting better though!  Patience was never one of my virtues!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/26/2009 at 11:12
scooter65 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Avatar

Joined: December/29/2006
Location: mi
Status: Offline
Points: 3567
Originally posted by budperm budperm wrote:

I see you mentioned wheelchair width doors.  Excellent idea.  Full kitchen is a must.  With my mother, she has taken what used to be 2-3 hours of chores and blown them out to take up her day.  This equates....NOTHING happens quickly.  A 'quick run' to the store will take at least a half day.  My mom won't even walk down to the end of the driveway to get the paper without spending a couple of hours in front of a mirror.  I made the mistake of just taking her three item list and popping out and getting the stuff.  Said and done in 20 minutes or less.  She would get mad and depressed.  It took me a while to realize that this was a big adventure to her that I had spoiled.  It isn't easy slowing down to their pace of life!  Grocery shopping with mom is unbelievably painful  I can fill two carts with over $250 worth of groceries for myself and find her still in isle 2 of 14 with a shopping list of only 15 things mostly still to find, WHEW!  I am getting better though!  Patience was never one of my virtues!
 
OH man do I know what your talking about.  My folks were in over the holiday weekend.  They slow us down 75%.  Trips to the store are not quickies.  Nothing is 'quickie' when they are involved.......... 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/26/2009 at 11:57
Duce View Drop Down
Optics Master
Optics Master
Avatar

Joined: September/19/2006
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1231
Been there, the garage is a good idea, women seem to be more territorial about space and to feel that the real responsibility or caring falls on them. Its very important to let the wife know that you will do all you can to help your wife if you want to avoid friction at home. Its important too let the parents know what is their space and how far they can go in changing things in that space. Try to work out things before they move in and life will be a lot more peaceful
Good Luck on you good intentions
Duce Smile
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/27/2009 at 00:21
cyborg View Drop Down
Optics God
Optics God
Avatar
God of Wind

Joined: August/24/2007
Location: North Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12082
Well you gotta love family. You don't have to always be friendly with them. Be honest about what is and isn't acceptable when they cross boundaries. It will strain your relationship with your children and wife at times and even more so if you don't set rules. Beyond that if you have a still use it, if not find a friend that makes good shine. Magic Shrooms help a lot too. 
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Similar Threads: "Tips on living with your elderly folks"
Subject Author Forum Replies Last Post
Need Help folks aaronhines Varmint Scopes 4 1/24/2005 10:38:22 PM
New eBay auctions listed and Live! Skylar McMahon SWFA's Auctions 1
New to Air Gunning- Looking for Tips OzarkCajun76 Rimfire / Airgun 3
tips for focusing reticle? eyesman Rifle Scopes 4
How to Watch Live ICC cricket World cup 2011 in iP lovcricket Rifle Scopes 1
The Springfield Armory Scope lives! glockpacker Rifle Scopes 10 7/7/2007 4:40:32 PM
soldiers losing lives due to M4 martin3175 Firearms 39
Live game cam feed Brady General Hunting 7
Tumbling Live Ammo... garyalarson Reloading & Ballistics 1
A range/cleaning tip jonoMT Firearms 4


This page was generated in 0.282 seconds.