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Texas Wife

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/23/2009 at 07:01
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It's a Texas kind of wife!

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'  

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a  gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.  
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!  
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.  
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'"

The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess.."

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/23/2009 at 07:11
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 06:02
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Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

It's a Texas kind of wife!

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'  

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a  gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.  
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!  
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.  
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'"

The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess.."

 
 I think she meant....shutup and drive the car! Wink
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 06:25
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Like some parts of Texas, a divorce in Wyoming usually means a 12 gauge shotgun.  Shocked     ( I was very lucky a few years ago when my wife divorced me because she was from Texas and I managed to survive it...........) 
 
 
 
 
.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 06:29
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Originally posted by Ed Connelly Ed Connelly wrote:

Like some parts of Texas, a divorce in Wyoming usually means a 12 gauge shotgun.  Shocked     ( I was very lucky a few years ago when my wife divorced me because she was from Texas and I managed to survive it...........) 
 
 
 
 
.
Still paying for that barrel I bet! ShockedBucky
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 06:32
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Oh, I had to hock it......I have a chenille bathroom now.....but I do need to go to Walmart and get another shopping cart....this one has got a bad front wheel.....
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 07:20
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Originally posted by Ed Connelly Ed Connelly wrote:

Oh, I had to hock it......I have a chenille bathroom now.....but I do need to go to Walmart and get another shopping cart....this one has got a bad front wheel.....
LOL, well there is something to being mobile! Bucky
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 11:00
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 11:35
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Originally posted by Urimaginaryfrnd Urimaginaryfrnd wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyGAvulgWmw
 
Read ya LOUD & CLEAR there dad!
I have NO doubt that Ashley can take care of herself!
I am quite sure your little girl has had all the proper training on using a gun and is probably an excellent shot!  Like I said before, you done good, Wes!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 13:17
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OH-HO Has Helo seen this??????
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 15:45
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Originally posted by 3_tens 3_tens wrote:

OH-HO Has Helo seen this??????
 
Why do you think he has been laying so low the last couple of weeks? Smile
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 15:52
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I had me a Texas wife. The best part of that skank musta stayed in Texas. Course her mom and dad were both from Commiefornia. That shoulda likely been the first clue to hit it and run. Rather than hit it, and hit it again, and again and again.  
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 17:12
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Tell us how you really feel, there, Billy!!!   Roll on Floor Laughing
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 19:42
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ShockedEekRoll on Floor Laughing Eek Shocked
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 20:37
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Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

It's a Texas kind of wife!

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'  

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a  gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.  
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!  
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.  
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'"

The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess.."



KB, are you sure she's not from Cullman?  That sure sounds like a woman I've known for 24 years now!!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 22:46
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Originally posted by Ed Connelly Ed Connelly wrote:

Tell us how you really feel, there, Billy!!!   Roll on Floor Laughing
I just did. Smiling Mad
 
 
 
 
 
Laugh
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 23:40
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Originally posted by 3_tens 3_tens wrote:

OH-HO Has Helo seen this??????


Actually, I just saw this!  Peeker
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 05:26
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Quote KB, are you sure she's not from Cullman?
As in Cullman, Alabama?  My wife is from Athens (and we now live there), and the woman in the joke sounded like my wife.  In fact, I thought they quoted her.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 06:08
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Originally posted by helo18 helo18 wrote:

Originally posted by 3_tens 3_tens wrote:

OH-HO Has Helo seen this??????


Actually, I just saw this!  Peeker
 
Told ya!   Light It Up
 
Don't worry Andrew, She is a lady.  Wouldn't shoot anybody didn't deserve it! Bucky
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 07:40
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Originally posted by cyborg cyborg wrote:

I had me a Texas wife. The best part of that skank musta stayed in Texas. Course her mom and dad were both from Commiefornia. That shoulda likely been the first clue to hit it and run. Rather than hit it, and hit it again, and again and again.  
 
Billy, sounds like a line out of "Jeremiah Johnson" except you forgot to add:
 
"...meanest bitch that ever balled for beads"
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 08:56
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Nothing ventured nothing gained.Indiana JonesBatman
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 14:39
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Craig and Wes.......Laugh Above
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 18:06
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Ah come on.... I am still trying to get past Ted and Brandon Roll on Floor Laughing

Edited by budperm - March/26/2009 at 18:07
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 18:09
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Originally posted by budperm budperm wrote:

Ah come on.... I am still trying to get past Ted and Brandon Roll on Floor Laughing
YOU!?!?!?!? Just be grateful YOU weren't the one that walked in on that!!!!! Shocked
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 18:15
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Originally posted by farscott farscott wrote:

Quote KB, are you sure she's not from Cullman?
As in Cullman, Alabama?  My wife is from Athens (and we now live there), and the woman in the joke sounded like my wife.  In fact, I thought they quoted her.
Nope, mine's pure Texican.  However, she is a truly wonderful woman.  She never really gives me any flack about the "gun gear" I purchase.  Remember, she is the one who told me to go out and purchase all the ammo I could find and upgrade my scope collection after Obama's election.  I love that woman. 
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