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TEACH HIM A LESSON

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/06/2007 at 13:49
Stephanie View Drop Down
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A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on his land. The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her.

 

Would you do it for me?


The hunter said, "Sure" and headed for the car. Walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer said it was OK, he said, "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson." With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule. As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" A second shot rang out from the passenger side and one of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!!!"

 

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/06/2007 at 14:06
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I love Ol' Jerry Clower. That one one of my favs
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/06/2007 at 14:27
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Here's a good one too

 

Three bulls are standing lookin over the cows one day when a semi truck pulls up towing a cattle trailer. The oldest bull looks at the other two and says I ain't about to share none of my cows with him.

The next oldest bull says well there's only 75 cows here ain't but 30 of them is mine I sure ain't about to share none of mine. 

The youngest of the bulls says well aint but 10 of them cows even likes me, so don't think I'll be doing any sharing.

They all agree Mr. new bull is just S.O.L.

 

Then the cattle gate drops and out comes the biggest nastiest, meanest looking bull in the whole of the world.

The oldest bull says Ya know I'm right ashamed of how I was being so selfish, and not thinking about the welfare and feelings of the new guy, I think I'm gonna share some of my cows with him.

 

The next oldest says yeah I'm kinda ashamed of my self too, I'm gonna share as well.

 

The youngest bull gets out in the middle of the pasture and starts snorting and scratching, and carrying on so, and the other 2 bulls are like Hey are ya crazy that bull will kill you.

 

The youngest bull says Maybe so but I'm gonna make sure he knows that I'm a bull

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/06/2007 at 15:08
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HAHAHA  good one's

 

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/06/2007 at 19:26
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My dad has a bunch of the old Jerry Clower tapes.  I loved his story about John and the lynx up in the tree...

 

"Well just shoot up amongst here anyway, 'cause one of us has got to have some relief!"

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/07/2007 at 04:47
8shots View Drop Down
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A true story is of my mate Errol, who went on a business trip to Australia. He got along famously with the guys so they took him on a kangaroo or hopper hunt. The rifle they lent him fitted him like glove and he just could not miss. When they returned to the farm yard, he was on the back of the pick-up and he spotted this hopper bounding towards them, which he calmly dropped in its tracks (or hop). Turned out to be the farmers tame pet hopper!!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/07/2007 at 06:51
cyborg View Drop Down
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KNOCK HIM OUT JOHN !!! 

OH SOMEBODY SHOOT THIS THING IT"S KILLING ME !!!!!

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/07/2007 at 06:54
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Ted ya heard the one about the monkey ?
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/08/2007 at 16:49
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Originally posted by cyborg cyborg wrote:

Ted ya heard the one about the monkey ?

 

Not sure.  Bring it!

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/08/2007 at 16:52
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Is that the one where the monkey could out hunt the coon dogs and the monkey went up the tree with the gun and the flashlight?

 

"Clovis, they ain't but one thang that monkey hates more than a raccoon, and dat's a lyin' coon dawg!"

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/08/2007 at 16:55
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I was typing it YUP thats the one. I love that one too.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/08/2007 at 16:56
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"NASTY rat crawled up my overall britches leg, and I caught him right there above my knee..."

 

""I said to my brother, Sonny... get outcha pocket knife...

'cause I don't believe I can back him down...

...and I KNOW I ain't gonna turn him loose!"

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/08/2007 at 16:57
cyborg View Drop Down
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I had forgotten that'n.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/09/2007 at 09:25
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 2 buddies was sitting at a UGA game watching the mascot UGAA.One looked down and UGAA was licking his nutz.the other guy said i wish i could do that.His buddy says no you don't that dog will bite you.

 

 

 



Edited by Bigdaddy0381
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/09/2007 at 13:40
Stephanie View Drop Down
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 That's a good one!

 

 

  Here is another funny one.

 

Bruce and Bubba go deer hunting

Bruce and Bubba went deer hunting, and Bubba shot a deer. They started to take it back to their truck. They were pulling it by the hind feet. That made the fur snag on the ground, making it hard to pull.

Another hunter, seeing their dilemma, told them it would be easier to pull the deer by the rack. That way the fur wouldn't snag on the ground. The guys thanked the man, and he went on.

After a little discussion, they decided to drag it by the rack. Bruce turned to Bubba and said,"Ya know, this is a lot easier to drag now." Bubba said,"Yeah, but we sure are getting a long way away from the truck."

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/10/2007 at 17:29
cyborg View Drop Down
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That's classic, good one Stephanie. Poor old Bubba.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/11/2007 at 18:11
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This is the only hunting joke I can remember.....

 

Being the fresh newlyweds and wanting to make a good impression on her husband.  The new wife decides that she should share in her husbands interests and announces that she would like to take up deer hunting.  Hunter safety classes behind her, weeks at the range and the season is upon them.

 

Her husband drops her at a stand and lets her know that he will just be a few hundred yards away.  If a deer comes by just shoot it and he will come running.  He turns and leaves for his stand.. No more than half way there he heres. POW.... POW POW... Shocked as he was at her good fortune (and a bit disgusted) he turns and trots back to where he left her.

 

But as he approaches all he can see is a man with his hands in the air, his wife pointing the rifle at him and a look of shock on his face.  Then he hears the man pleading with his wife, "YES MA'AM I know it's your deer ma'am,, can I just get my saddle off of it!!"

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/17/2007 at 09:12
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SEVEN KINDS
Results of a recent research shows that there are seven kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.

* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex
until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.


* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are
so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.


* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has
gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex


* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass
each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Re ligious Sex.


* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at
night.(Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.


* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court
and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.


* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/17/2007 at 10:33
cyborg View Drop Down
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You forgot ORAL That's when all you do is talk about it.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/19/2007 at 01:30
8shots View Drop Down
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There is the one about the dude who has this mean killer dog for hunting baboons. The dog's favourite trick was to rip the baboons scrotum out before he killed it. He was showing this dog to his mate, when the dog treed a baboon. Handing the shotgun to his mate, the owner started climbing the tree to dislodge the baboon. What is the shotgun for, his mate asked. That is for in case I fall out the tree and make damn sure you get that dog with both barrels!

Edited by 8shots
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/19/2007 at 03:26
8shots View Drop Down
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And my all time favourite: First the background, we have in South Africa an aerosol insecticide called Doom or a can of Doom. Now this dude who can only speak Afrikaans, goes to the chemist to buy some condoms. After shuffling up and down the isle he finally plucks up the courage and asks the female assistant for some "candooms". So she asks, Now would that be for crawling insects or flying insects. No, he says, just for plain lying down sex!!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/11/2008 at 16:10
cyborg View Drop Down
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Originally posted by 8shots 8shots wrote:

There is the one about the dude who has this mean killer dog for hunting baboons. The dog's favourite trick was to rip the baboons scrotum out before he killed it. He was showing this dog to his mate, when the dog treed a baboon. Handing the shotgun to his mate, the owner started climbing the tree to dislodge the baboon. What is the shotgun for, his mate asked. That is for in case I fall out the tree and make damn sure you get that dog with both barrels!
 
Maybe some extra shells too just incase.....Laugh
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