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Something 2 make the day go faster?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/26/2011 at 12:13
hunterwingler View Drop Down
Optics Master
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Joined: April/03/2009
Location: Idaho
Status: Offline
Points: 1420
LION
 
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
"Later, the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified wildebeest stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, making the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomped on the lion until it looked like a corn tortilla and then ambled away.
The lion let out a moan of pain, lifted his head weakly and hollered after the elephant, "Geez, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so pissed off!"
 
HILLBILLY

A Forty -Year -Old hillbilly carries a younger hillbilly into the doctors office, deposited him on the examining table, and said, See if you can patch him up good.
I shot up his rear end like it was a tail on a possum.
Dont hurt him none, cause hes my son-in-law.
The doctor said, Why would you shoot your son-in-law?
The hillbilly said, He warnt my son-in-law when I shot him

LEATHER

When a woman wears leather clothing,

a man's heart beats quicker,

his throat gets dry,

he goes weak in the knees,

and he begins to think irrationally.



Ever wonder why?



scroll down...











Because she smells like a new truck.

 
 
THE PRIEST
 
A very distinguished lady on a plane from Switzerland found herself seated next to a nice priest.
She asked, "Excuse me, Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course, my child, what can I do for you?"
"Here's the problem...... I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"
"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie."
"You have such an honest face, Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions."
She gave him the hair remover and the aircraft arrived at its destination.
At customs the priest was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son," he replied.
The customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?"
The priest replied, "Well, I have a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next


Edited by hunterwingler - February/26/2011 at 12:16
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/26/2011 at 12:55
Claus View Drop Down
Optics Journeyman
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Joined: August/05/2010
Location: Denmark
Status: Offline
Points: 624
ExcellentExcellentExcellent  You'r on the roll today huh bro. 
They were all good but the Lion joke was my favorite. 
Have a great day.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2011 at 07:39
scooter65 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
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Joined: December/29/2006
Location: mi
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Points: 3567
ExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellent
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2011 at 09:37
stickbow46 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
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Joined: January/07/2009
Location: Benton, Pa
Status: Offline
Points: 4673
Roll on Floor LaughingExcellentExcellent
Loved the priest.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2011 at 09:41
Ed Connelly View Drop Down
Optics Retard
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God of no Chihuahua

Joined: December/16/2007
Location: USA
Status: Offline
Points: 24220
 
 
 
 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2011 at 12:25
3_tens View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
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Joined: January/08/2007
Location: Oklahoma
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Points: 7180
Originally posted by stickbow46 stickbow46 wrote:

Roll on Floor LaughingExcellentExcellent
Loved the priest.
+1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2011 at 19:39
SVT_Tactical View Drop Down
Optics Retard
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Chief Sackscratch

Joined: December/17/2009
Location: NorthCackalacky
Status: Offline
Points: 28758
Excellent
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