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The laws you thought you knew

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Topic: The laws you thought you knew
Posted By: jonoMT
Subject: The laws you thought you knew
Date Posted: March/14/2014 at 16:01
Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
 
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
 
Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
 
Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
 
Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
 
Law of the Bath  - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
 
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
 
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
 
Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
 
Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
 
The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
 
Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
 
Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
 
Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
 
Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
 
Law of Public Speaking - A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
 
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
 
Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.


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Reaction time is a factor...



Replies:
Posted By: Peddler
Date Posted: March/14/2014 at 16:03
Roll on Floor Laughing

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When you are dead, you don't know you are dead.It is difficult only for others.

It is the same when you are stupid.


Posted By: RifleDude
Date Posted: March/14/2014 at 16:10
Excellent!
Excellent


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Ted


Money can't buy happiness... but it's much more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.


Posted By: Son of Ed
Date Posted: March/14/2014 at 18:26
Moral of the story:  leave your Johnson hanging out while you work....

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Visit the Ed Show


Posted By: bugsNbows
Date Posted: March/16/2014 at 07:49
Big Grin  LOL

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If we're not suppose to eat animals...how come they're made of meat?
               Anomymous


Posted By: stickbow46
Date Posted: March/16/2014 at 10:51
Excellent

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Pearls of Wisdom are Heard not Spoken


Posted By: budperm
Date Posted: March/17/2014 at 07:21

OH BOY.... MONDAY LIGHT READING....    Smile



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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson





Posted By: BeltFed
Date Posted: March/17/2014 at 15:05

All of the above Laws are true and factual. I have proven each and every one of them. I'll even add one more.

The law of waiting at home for important phone calls or appointments-If they are late, just go to the bathroom and they will arrive or call.



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Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.


Posted By: budperm
Date Posted: March/17/2014 at 15:32

But only after your seated and busy.... the ring reminds you that the receiver is still sitting on the couch you just vacated...



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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson





Posted By: stickbow46
Date Posted: March/17/2014 at 18:55
The law of boiling water: Ever notice how it slows down when your watching & waiting [:}

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Pearls of Wisdom are Heard not Spoken



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