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Tools Explained

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Category: Everything Else
Forum Name: Almost Anything Goes
Forum Description: Non OpticsTalk Talk
URL: http://www.opticstalk.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=15884
Printed Date: November/20/2017 at 00:04


Topic: Tools Explained
Posted By: Bigdaddy0381
Subject: Tools Explained
Date Posted: March/05/2009 at 07:37
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
 flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project
 which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
 
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
 the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
 hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
 'Oh sh -- '
  ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
 holes until you die of old age.
 
 
 
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
 
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
 blood-blisters.
 
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
 touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
 
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
 principle.
 It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
 more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
 becomes.
 
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off
 boltheads.If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
 welding heat to the palm of your hand.
 
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
 objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting thegrease inside
 the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
 

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launchwood
 projectiles for testing wall integrity.
 
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
 after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jackhandle
 firmly under the bumper.
 
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
 cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
 the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
 outside edge.
 
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
 everything you forgot to disconnect. 
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
 or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on
 your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
 Phillips screw heads.
 
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
 convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
 your palms.
 
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
 bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
 
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
 HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
 used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
 adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
 
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
 cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
 contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
 collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
 Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
 
DAMM-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
 while yelling 'DAMM-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
 often, the next tool that you will need.




Replies:
Posted By: Ed Connelly
Date Posted: March/05/2009 at 07:51
Sounds like a " Como se llama "    When you forget the name of that damn tool you say:  " Hand me that 'como se llama' "  !!!!     Shocked

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Be sure to visit,

http://www.opticstalk.com/forum_topics.asp?FID=50 - THE ED SHOW

Ju Cucarachas!!!


Posted By: trigger29
Date Posted: March/05/2009 at 08:13
Optics Talk post- commonly used for covering computer monitors, and other highly sensitive electronic equipment with coffee, or other liquids.

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"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."


Posted By: Dogger
Date Posted: March/05/2009 at 08:28
Right on BD - exactly my experience!

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God save the Empire!


Posted By: rifle looney
Date Posted: March/05/2009 at 08:52
No matter how qualified you think you are just stay away from TOOLS.  they bite!  Wink

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Posted By: SD Dog
Date Posted: March/05/2009 at 08:59
Haven't met a tool that won't make a man look like a fool.

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If nobody ever said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth. AP Herbert

Stupidity & ignorance have been the foundation for many certainties.


Posted By: budperm
Date Posted: March/05/2009 at 21:24
   ExcellentExcellentExcellentRead the ManualExcellentExcellentExcellent

-------------
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson





Posted By: Urimaginaryfrnd
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 01:52
Big Grin

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"Always do the right thing, just because it is the right thing to do".
Bobby Paul Doherty
Texas Ranger


Posted By: 8shots
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 03:22
Very good! Quite accurate too!!!


Posted By: trigger29
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 08:55
Don't forget.........
 
IMPACT WRENCH: Air powered device used to twist off wheel studs.


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"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."


Posted By: pyro6999
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 08:57
i hate the dammit tools!! im usually to close to the thrower, and they always have to use pointy dammit tools too.

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They call me "Boots"
375H&H Mag: Yeah, it kills stuff "extra dead"

343 we will never forget

God Bless Chris Ledoux
"good ride cowboy"


Posted By: trigger29
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 09:15
I always thought the dammit tool was the one that slipped off the bolt and hit you in the face, chipping your teeth? Maybe that's how it becomes the dammit tool.

-------------

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."


Posted By: pyro6999
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 09:16
Originally posted by trigger29 trigger29 wrote:

I always thought the dammit tool was the one that slipped off the bolt and hit you in the face, chipping your teeth? Maybe that's how it becomes the dammit tool.


Laugh yes that probably could be a contributing factor!



-------------
They call me "Boots"
375H&H Mag: Yeah, it kills stuff "extra dead"

343 we will never forget

God Bless Chris Ledoux
"good ride cowboy"


Posted By: budperm
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 09:40
Originally posted by trigger29 trigger29 wrote:

I always thought the dammit tool was the one that slipped off the bolt and hit you in the face, chipping your teeth? Maybe that's how it becomes the dammit tool.
 I am not really sure just were your face would have to be it relation to the tool for that to happen. Bucky....Perhaps you are thinking of teh Knuckle Burster tool?
 
OOOhh, wait a minute.... Your thinking of the flyback tool... the one you hit with a hammer and it bounces back it hit you in the face.  I had forgot about that one Wink
 
I always called that one the boomerang tool.  it always flyback right before i pick it up and throw screaming damn it!! Embarrased


-------------
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson





Posted By: budperm
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 09:43
Originally posted by 8shots 8shots wrote:

Very good! Quite accurate too!!!
 
Amazingly and dangerously accuracte! lol


-------------
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson





Posted By: Bigdaddy0381
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 09:46
Originally posted by budperm budperm wrote:

Originally posted by trigger29 trigger29 wrote:

I always thought the dammit tool was the one that slipped off the bolt and hit you in the face, chipping your teeth? Maybe that's how it becomes the dammit tool.
 I am not really sure just were your face would have to be it relation to the tool for that to happen. Bucky....Perhaps you are thinking of teh Knuckle Burster tool?
 
OOOhh, wait a minute.... Your thinking of the flyback tool... the one you hit with a hammer and it bounces back it hit you in the face.  I had forgot about that one Wink
 
I always called that one the boomerang tool.  it always flyback right before i pick it up and throw screaming damn it!! Embarrased
 
Thats the "MUTHA F*&KING" TOOL.


Posted By: Bigdaddy0381
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 11:52
New Nail Gun, made by DeWALT.
It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2 X 4 at 200 yards.
This makes construction a breeze,
You can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.
Just getyour wife to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back,
relax with a cold drink and when she has the board in the right place,
just fire away.
With the hundred round magazine, you can build the fence with a minimum of reloading.
After a day of fence building with the new DeWalt Rapid fire nail gun,
the wife will not ask you build or fix anything else again.
 



Posted By: Monster
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 11:53
LaughSign me up

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"Get Busy Livin' or get busy dyin'" -Red (Shawshank Redemption)


Posted By: budperm
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 14:12
Originally posted by Bigdaddy0381 Bigdaddy0381 wrote:

New Nail Gun, made by DeWALT.
It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2 X 4 at 200 yards.
This makes construction a breeze,
You can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.
Just getyour wife to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back,
relax with a cold drink and when she has the board in the right place,
just fire away.
With the hundred round magazine, you can build the fence with a minimum of reloading.
After a day of fence building with the new DeWalt Rapid fire nail gun,
the wife will not ask you build or fix anything else again.
 

BD where in the H#LL did you get that????  It is actually my desktop wallpaper at work!  I  work with the guys that did that as a joke!

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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson





Posted By: Bigdaddy0381
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 14:14

I'll never give up my intell. nah I think it was craigslists.



Posted By: budperm
Date Posted: March/06/2009 at 14:34
Originally posted by Bigdaddy0381 Bigdaddy0381 wrote:

I'll never give up my intell. nah I think it was craigslists.

Man, that is spooky.  We refer to it as the Rednecks Fencing gun.  I was actually on the design team for the first Cordless Finishing Nailer Dewalt put out about 4 years ago.  Soon you will see a cordless framing nailer and roofing nailer.  WE are also working on a cordless stud gun to nail into concrete like the 22blank guns.  The prototypes looked like double barrelled laser canon right outa Star Wars.  Working versions have 2 opposing motors and flywheels and will drive 2" nail flush into concrete.  Kinda scarely really!

-------------
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson






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