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A Must Read......

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Category: Everything Else
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URL: http://www.opticstalk.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=10121
Printed Date: December/16/2017 at 16:30


Topic: A Must Read......
Posted By: antleraddiction
Subject: A Must Read......
Date Posted: February/29/2008 at 20:12
> HOW TO POOP AT WORK
>
> We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
> We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something
> brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves
> otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate
> pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
> work.
>
> CROP DUSTING
> When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell
> is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't
> know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop
> until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make
> sure the smell has left your pants.
>
> FLY BY
> The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and
> check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave
> and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
> People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into
> the bathroom.
>
> ESCAPEE
> A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in
> a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
> embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
> it. Pretend it did nothappen. If you are a man and are standing
> next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No
> one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
> Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
>
> JAILBREAK
> When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun
> pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
> this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone
> has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what
> just occurred.
>
> COURTESY FLUSH
> The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the
> water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up
> the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK
> OF SHAME.
>
> WALK OF SHAME
> Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have
> just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment
> if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
> pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of
> the COURTESY FLUSH.
>
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone proud of it. You
> will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with
> a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the
> office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency
> pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor
> the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE
> HAVENS.
>
> SAFE HAVENS
> A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can
> least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
> opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering
> the bathroom.
>
> TURD BURGLAR
> Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries
> to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
> vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
> occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
> will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
>
> CAMO-COUGH
> A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that
> you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or
> to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
> conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
>
> SHIRLEY TEMPLE
> A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd
> Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that
> the stall is occupied. If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the
> bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
>
> WATERMELON
> A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water.
> This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming
> on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
>
> HAVANAOMELET
> A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in
> the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
> CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
>
> AUNT BETTY
> A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever...Could
> spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on
> the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the
> crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty.
> This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees
>
> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>SOME VARIETIES~
> The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis.
> It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple
> from straining so hard.
>
> Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.
>
> Cement Block or Oh God Poop = You wish you'd gotten a spinal
> block before you poop.
>
> Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third
> flush, it's still floating in there. My God! How do I get rid of it?
> This poop usually happens at someone else's house.
>
> The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your
> rear before it falls into the water.
>
> The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the
> toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
>
> The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you
> when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
>
> The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when
> you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to
> rise.



Replies:
Posted By: pyro6999
Date Posted: February/29/2008 at 20:23
thats awesome i made my wife read it so i could stop laughing

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They call me "Boots"
375H&H Mag: Yeah, it kills stuff "extra dead"

343 we will never forget

God Bless Chris Ledoux
"good ride cowboy"


Posted By: helo18
Date Posted: February/29/2008 at 20:31
Roll%20on%20Floor%20Laughing very funny!

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To be prepared for War is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.

GEORGE WASHINGTON


Posted By: Urimaginaryfrnd
Date Posted: March/01/2008 at 13:30
Super

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"Always do the right thing, just because it is the right thing to do".
Bobby Paul Doherty
Texas Ranger


Posted By: tahqua
Date Posted: March/01/2008 at 13:44
That is great. It is also hanging in our shop now.


Posted By: 3_tens
Date Posted: March/01/2008 at 17:36
This is why OT is so good. The teachings of experts in their respective field.

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Folks ain't got a sense of humor no more. They don't laugh they just get sore.

Need to follow the rules. Just hard to determine which set of rules to follow
Now the rules have changed again.


Posted By: supertool73
Date Posted: March/01/2008 at 17:47
Originally posted by 3_tens 3_tens wrote:

This is why OT is so good. The teachings of experts in their respective field.


Damn, that is almost as funny as the poop instructions.  Roll%20on%20Floor%20Laughing


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Lifetime warranty and excellent customer service don't mean a thing when your gun fails during a zombie attack.

"A Liberal is a person who will give away everything they don't own."



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