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Political Jabbing - Seperation Agreement

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/21/2009 at 07:55
scooter65 View Drop Down
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To: All American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al.

 

From:  John J. Wall - a Conservative American

Dear Liberals, Leftists, and Socialists:

We've stuck together since the late 1950's, but the latest election process and your bailout stimulus plan has made me realize that I want a divorce.

Although we've tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, the sad truth is that the relationship between conservatives and liberals has run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America can not and will not ever agree on what is right. Therefore let's just end it on friendly terms. You go your way, and I'll go mine.

We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, shake hands, and go our own way. But to do that, we'll need a "Separation Agreement." I have drawn one up. I hope you agree with it.

SEPARATION AGREEMENT PROPOSAL

I propose that our two groups - Conservatives and Liberals - equitably divide up the country by land-mass, each of us taking approximately 50% of the total square miles. I'll concede that this is the most difficult part of the separation agreement, but I'm sure our two sides can come to terms.

After that's done, the rest should be relatively easy!  Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

For example, us conservatives don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them! They're all yours!

You are also welcome to take the liberal judges, the ACLU, the affirmative action crowd, the NAACP, and the National Organization of Women. We don't want any of them.

We also don't want Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. You can have them.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military, that you hate so much.

Along with Pelosi and Reid, you can also have Oprah, Michael Moore, Stone (Oliver and Sharon), and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all of them).

We'll take the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, McDonald's and Wall Street.

You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll take the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks.

We'll take the Bibles. You can have all the copies of "Mein Kampf."

We'll take Fox News. You can have NBC, CNN, MSNBC, CBS, ABC and Hollywood. You can also have National Public Television.

We get Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. You get have Al Franken and Keith Olberman.

You can make nice and kiss up with Iran and Palestine. We'll retain the right to invade and hammer the crap out of any country that threatens us, but not YOU. 

 

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/21/2009 at 08:58
RONK View Drop Down
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 Good post!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/21/2009 at 10:00
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Excellent
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/21/2009 at 10:23
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But I kinda like canoes.....
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/21/2009 at 14:18
RONK View Drop Down
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Originally posted by billyburl2 billyburl2 wrote:

But I kinda like canoes.....
 
Oh, I'm sure we'll be able to get you one!
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