New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Pet Owners....Funny read
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Check for SWFA's No Reserve and No Minimum bid firearm auctions.

Pet Owners....Funny read

 Post Reply Post Reply   Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: August/05/2010 at 15:34
SVT_Tactical View Drop Down
Optics Retard
Optics Retard
Chief Sackscratch

Joined: December/17/2009
Location: NorthCackalacky
Status: Online
Points: 28632
Dear Dogs and Cats:  The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food.  The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in
the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  Racing me
to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about
this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort, however.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep.  It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched
out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some
miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge in an attempt to open the door.  I must exit through the same door
I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline
attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is:  Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog
or cat's butt.  I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the
front door:


(1)  They live here.  You don't.

(2)  If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4)  To you, they are animals.  To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who
are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: August/05/2010 at 18:03
lucytuma View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
Optics Jedi Knight

Joined: November/25/2007
Location: Wisconsin
Status: Offline
Points: 5389

Having adopted two, four legged children, I can relate.

 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Similar Threads: "Pet Owners....Funny read"
Subject Author Forum Replies Last Post
GUN OWNERS PLEASE READ! andrews1958 Firearms 17
I've trained my pet rattle snake to retrieve doves Brady General Hunting 13
375 H&H Magnum Pet Loads Texas Reloading & Ballistics 9
Pet Peeve - Matte Scopes on Glossy Rifles wecole Rifle Scopes 2 8/12/2006 8:08:55 PM
Any Bushnell 6500 owners out there ? Roy Finn Rifle Scopes 1
Bushnell Fusion Owners - thoughts? ahiaring Binoculars 1
BSA 36x44 Platinum owners manual? GaryO Rifle Scopes 1
Sightron owners - is it dependable /hold zero ? Greenhorn#1 Rifle Scopes 8
Interesting read helo18 Tactical Scopes 7
owners manual hoopersb Rifle Scopes 4

This page was generated in 0.297 seconds.