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Perfect Marriage

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 12:20
hunterwingler View Drop Down
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NOT MY VIEWS BUT FUNNY NONE THE LESS

Perfect Marriage

RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 13:32
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Excellent Red Skeleton was great! 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 14:56
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 15:12
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Roll on Floor Laughing  That's some good stuff.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 16:22
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 22:01
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/28/2011 at 06:27
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/28/2011 at 19:13
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/29/2011 at 09:12
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He was great!  He did a really cool skit with the "Pledge Of Allegiance"
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/29/2011 at 09:15
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show me your sheep!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/29/2011 at 18:06
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X = 180 Y = 90 (X+Pyro)+(Y-Pyro) = ?

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Originally posted by hunterwingler hunterwingler wrote:

NOT MY VIEWS BUT FUNNY NONE THE LESS

Perfect Marriage

RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

This is classic. Seven years ago, my wife asked me where I was taking her for her anniversary......... I told her somewhere she's never been before. Her eyes lit up, and she said: "Hawaii?"............I smirked, and said: "The f#$king kitchen!"

I dissapeared in a real hurry after that..........And I still hear about it to this day.Bucky
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/30/2011 at 01:13
hunterwingler View Drop Down
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Originally posted by trigger29 trigger29 wrote:

Originally posted by hunterwingler hunterwingler wrote:

NOT MY VIEWS BUT FUNNY NONE THE LESS

Perfect Marriage

RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

This is classic. Seven years ago, my wife asked me where I was taking her for her anniversary......... I told her somewhere she's never been before. Her eyes lit up, and she said: "Hawaii?"............I smirked, and said: "The f#$king kitchen!"

I dissapeared in a real hurry after that..........And I still hear about it to this day.Bucky
That was either really brave or dumb I dont  know which one lol
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/30/2011 at 06:44
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show me your sheep!!

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I'm thinking age and testosterone related false bravery!  Wink
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/30/2011 at 17:07
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It was really dumb, and I'm speaking from experience
Mr. BeltFedChair HitMrs. BeltFed
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