New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - only the Irish have jokes this good
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Check GunBroker.com for SWFA's No Reserve and No Minimum bid firearm auctions.

only the Irish have jokes this good

 Post Reply Post Reply   Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/12/2012 at 20:43
scooter65 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Avatar

Joined: December/29/2006
Location: mi
Status: Offline
Points: 3567
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
" That little sh*t, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that
to you, he must have had something in his hand."
" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and
a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
" That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
it was, but useless in a fight."
**********************************************************************************************************
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.
" So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
a few to drink this evening."
" I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"D id you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest,
that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."


***********************************************************************************************************

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've
somethin' to tell ya".
" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
Tim.  But where's my husband?"
" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
" I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead
and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim.. "How did it happen, Tim?"
" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of
Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth,
Tim.  Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact,  he got out three times to pee."

************************************************************************************************************

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday
morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My
husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'


*********************************************************************************************************


AND THE BEST FOR L AST

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters
a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention
but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's
no paper on this side either!"
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/12/2012 at 21:14
Kickboxer View Drop Down
MODERATOR
MODERATOR
Avatar
Moderator

Joined: February/13/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 18334
An Irishman is never drunk as long as there is one blade of grass to hold onto to keep him from falling off the face of the earth...
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/12/2012 at 21:24
Bitterroot Bulls View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Optics Master Extraordinaire
Avatar

Joined: May/07/2009
Location: Montana
Status: Offline
Points: 3379
Those are classics!
 
I've got a big Irish Catholic family.
 
One of my grandpa's favorites is:
 
Q:  How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 
A:  21.  One to get a ladder and hold the bulb.  Twenty to drink until the room spins.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/12/2012 at 23:09
GetSome View Drop Down
Optics Journeyman
Optics Journeyman
Avatar

Joined: December/12/2009
Location: Oregon
Status: Offline
Points: 516
Thunbs Up
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/12/2012 at 23:44
Son of Ed View Drop Down
Optics Retard
Optics Retard
Avatar

Joined: June/18/2011
Location: TEXAS
Status: Offline
Points: 53879
               
 
 
 
 
 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/13/2012 at 10:32
SVT_Tactical View Drop Down
Optics Retard
Optics Retard
Avatar
Chief Sackscratch

Joined: December/17/2009
Location: NorthCackalacky
Status: Offline
Points: 28753
Big Grin
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/13/2012 at 10:55
bugsNbows View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Master
Optics Jedi Master
Avatar
bowsNbugs

Joined: March/10/2008
Location: Florida
Status: Offline
Points: 9285
Excellent My Irish portion is LMAO.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/13/2012 at 13:11
Alan Robertson View Drop Down
Optics Master
Optics Master
Avatar

Joined: October/31/2009
Location: Oklahoma
Status: Offline
Points: 1721

The warden catches Seamus leaving the vicinity of the reservoir with a bucket of fish.

"Aha!  I've caught you poachin' fish red-handed," says the warden.

"What do you mean, red-handed?" says Seamus.

"You've got a bucket full of 'em right there.  You can't talk your way out of it this time."

"Oh, you don't understand," says Seamus, "I've not poached a thing.  These are me pet fish

I bring 'em to the reservoir once a week for exercise

After they've had a good swim, they come back to the bucket and we go back home."

"Do ya expect me to believe such a tale?"

"I can prove it." say Seamus.

So they walk back to the reservoir and Seamus dips the bucket in and the fish swim away. 

They stand in silence for 20, 30, 40 minutes...no sign of the fish coming back to the pail.

Ha, ya lying rogue! shouts the warden. 

"Where are your fish?"

"What fish?"

_________________________

Father O' Malley answers the phone.

'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is'

'This is the Inland Revenue Service, income tax department.  Can you help us?'
'I can.'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do'

'Is he a member of your congregation?' He is'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'

___________________________

Paddy was walking through a graveyard when he came across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."

"Heavens," exclaimed Paddy, "I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave."



Edited by Alan Robertson - February/13/2012 at 13:36
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Similar Threads: "only the Irish have jokes this good"
Subject Author Forum Replies Last Post
Only one rifle for everything??? LongShotz Rifle Scopes 7 12/17/2004 8:43:39 PM
IOR with only 40 moa adjustment? lonewolfgun Tactical Scopes 3 11/18/2005 1:17:02 PM
Only Thing Left to do on AR15 is Bipod macky Rifle Scopes 11 5/17/2006 3:29:56 PM
Gang of Five-members only Roy Finn Firearms 14 3/9/2007 6:41:31 PM
Will only Zeiss eyepieces work with phoenixdawg Spotting Scopes 0 4/24/2007 9:03:40 PM
Why I use only Leupold sherm Rifle Scopes 69 12/30/2006 7:24:59 AM
Good .22 caliber rifle needs a Good fixed scope shooter4 Rifle Scopes 11
A These BISLEY Binoculars any good? foursquare Binoculars 4
Votex 6-24 pst good bad ugly porkchop401 Tactical Scopes 5
Looking for good 8x32 compacts... burfurd Binoculars 9


This page was generated in 0.313 seconds.