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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 07:51
Dogger View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
Optics Jedi Knight
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Joined: January/02/2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 5347
For those among us that are confused - must be continually reinforced with our better halves.
 
 

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1'

ON PURPOSE!  

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
  other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did
NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it
will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as 
  football   or <

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 07:57
cyborg View Drop Down
Optics God
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God of Wind

Joined: August/24/2007
Location: North Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12082
Cheers
Problem is.............Just how many women are going to read this in here?
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 08:01
Dogger View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
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Joined: January/02/2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 5347
It is your duty as a male of the species sir to ensure that all females within your direct sphere of influence are enlightened!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 08:46
Ed Connelly View Drop Down
Optics Retard
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God of no Chihuahua

Joined: December/16/2007
Location: USA
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Points: 24220
TERRIFIC!!!   I have to remember some of them so I can very funny the next time my wife and I are out with folks!!!!   Thanks, Dogger!!!   Thunbs%20Up
 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 14:06
cyborg View Drop Down
Optics God
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God of Wind

Joined: August/24/2007
Location: North Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12082
Originally posted by Dogger Dogger wrote:

It is your duty as a male of the species sir to ensure that all females within your direct sphere of influence are enlightened!
I took this to she who must be obeyed...... THANKS DOGGER!!!!!!! Ouch
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 14:43
Dogger View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
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Joined: January/02/2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Points: 5347
Always ready to stand behind you buddy!
 
...way, way behind
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 14:53
cyborg View Drop Down
Optics God
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God of Wind

Joined: August/24/2007
Location: North Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12082
Uh.......Yeah thanks............I thought you should know, she just bought a ticket to Ontario, Canada.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 15:00
supertool73 View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Master
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Superstool

Joined: January/03/2008
Location: Utah
Status: Offline
Points: 9512
Is she headed to Markham or Kitchener
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 15:30
Dogger View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
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Joined: January/02/2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 5347
I am enroute to my bunker as we speak!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 15:55
BeltFed View Drop Down
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Joined: February/12/2008
Location: Ky
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Points: 16067
Originally posted by Dogger Dogger wrote:

It is your duty as a male of the species sir to ensure that all females within your direct sphere of influence are enlightened!
It's not that I may have to sleep on the couch, but as she says "you have to sleep sometime and I know where"
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 19:57
Pooreyes-2 View Drop Down
Optics Apprentice
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Joined: September/02/2007
Location: United States
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Points: 79
Great post !!, Even emailed this to the wife at work, She said it was funny and the truth, she didnt know how to take it..... LOL I emailed her back and told her to take it as it said.... NOT GOOD, She told me to make sure I read the last line.....:(
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/29/2008 at 21:32
Kickboxer View Drop Down
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Joined: February/13/2008
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Points: 18334
Story to tell:

Once, when I first moved onto the base at China Lake, we, of course lived in base housing. It was a requirement to keep the yards immaculate or the base would have someone come and do it for you... at GREAT expense. So, every weekend, it was a thing that must be done to mow, clip, etc, etc. Across the street, our neighbors had the UGLIEST Airdale dog you have ever seen. It was ALWAYS going to the bathroom in our yard. We were out cleaning up the yard, as the neighbors (old man, wife, two teenagers) were, and the dog came over and took a dump in my yard. I angrily scooped it up with a shovel, walked across the street and confronted the old man as he was raking his yard. I said "You have GOT to do something about your damned dog going to the bathroom in my yard"!!
He slowly leaned on his rake and sighed... all the air seemingly departing his wizened, weary body. He slowly looked around, took a deep breath, sighed again and REALLY LEANED on the rake and said " I never wanted the damned dog... I don't like the damned dog... but I have a wife...(deep sigh) and kids...(deep sigh) and I just drive the car. " I looked, sadly, at him for a moment and said quietly, "I know exactly what you mean...sorry I bothered you" and took the shovel with the dog manure back to my yard.
That is the rule I live by (wife and 4 DAUGHTERS)... I just drive the car.   
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 09:05
Ed Connelly View Drop Down
Optics Retard
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God of no Chihuahua

Joined: December/16/2007
Location: USA
Status: Offline
Points: 24220

         

                           Stare  I had a wife and two daughters. We had a bunch of cats on the farm....one or two were tomcats.  That was it.  Me and the boys sat on the porch at night and had a brandy and cigarettes......
 
                           I mowed the lawn....about 4 acres....with a push mower. I shoveled the snow.  I hooked up the chains under my wife's vehicle and pulled her out of the mud ( snow, whatever...).  I buried dead animals.  I fixed broken stuff. 
 
                           I ran over to the school to bring the forgotten saxophone to my daughter.  I checked out the creepy boyfriend.  I tried to find out what happened to all my screwdrivers. 
 
                           To this day I call every female on earth " hon " because I was surrounded by my girls and it became a habit.... 
 
                           My daughters thought I was DAD--their great bud!!----my ex-wife thought I was the janitor.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 09:08
Dogger View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
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Joined: January/02/2007
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Points: 5347
I'm sorry about your troubles Ed but there is just something soooo right about "Janitor Ed".
 
Maybe you could help out my wife as well???
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 09:24
Ed Connelly View Drop Down
Optics Retard
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God of no Chihuahua

Joined: December/16/2007
Location: USA
Status: Offline
Points: 24220
 
 
                                                                                             Baseball%20Bat
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 10:45
cyborg View Drop Down
Optics God
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God of Wind

Joined: August/24/2007
Location: North Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12082
Pooreyes, how was the night on the couch????? I hope that it was comfy......
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 12:50
Kickboxer View Drop Down
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Joined: February/13/2008
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Points: 18334
Originally posted by Dogger Dogger wrote:

I'm sorry about your troubles Ed but there is just something soooo right about "Janitor Ed".
 
Maybe you could help out my wife as well???
 
Maybe he already is...
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 13:09
Bigdaddy0381 View Drop Down
Optics God
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Georgia peach

Joined: February/27/2007
Location: Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12815
Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

Originally posted by Dogger Dogger wrote:

I'm sorry about your troubles Ed but there is just something soooo right about "Janitor Ed".
 
Maybe you could help out my wife as well???
 
Maybe he already is...
 
HAHAHAH,
 
I'm just the yard guy.
 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 13:56
Dogger View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
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Joined: January/02/2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 5347
Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

Originally posted by Dogger Dogger wrote:

I'm sorry about your troubles Ed but there is just something soooo right about "Janitor Ed".
 
Maybe you could help out my wife as well???
 
Maybe he already is...
 
Never thought about that one kickboxer!  The poor bastard.......
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 14:04
Bigdaddy0381 View Drop Down
Optics God
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Georgia peach

Joined: February/27/2007
Location: Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 12815
Originally posted by Dogger Dogger wrote:

Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

Originally posted by Dogger Dogger wrote:

I'm sorry about your troubles Ed but there is just something soooo right about "Janitor Ed".
 
Maybe you could help out my wife as well???
 
Maybe he already is...
 
Never thought about that one kickboxer!  The poor bastard.......
 
catch him and make him help with the bills and you will have it made DG.
 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: October/30/2008 at 15:22
BeltFed View Drop Down
Optics God
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Joined: February/12/2008
Location: Ky
Status: Offline
Points: 16067
Originally posted by Ed Connelly Ed Connelly wrote:

         

                           Stare  I had a wife and two daughters. We had a bunch of cats on the farm....one or two were tomcats.  That was it.  Me and the boys sat on the porch at night and had a brandy and cigarettes......
 
                           I mowed the lawn....about 4 acres....with a push mower. I shoveled the snow.  I hooked up the chains under my wife's vehicle and pulled her out of the mud ( snow, whatever...).  I buried dead animals.  I fixed broken stuff. 
 
                           I ran over to the school to bring the forgotten saxophone to my daughter.  I checked out the creepy boyfriend.  I tried to find out what happened to all my screwdrivers. 
 
                           To this day I call every female on earth " hon " because I was surrounded by my girls and it became a habit.... 
 
                           My daughters thought I was DAD--their great bud!!----my ex-wife thought I was the janitor.
Hmmm, a deep look into Ed's soul.
This explains alot!Laugh
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