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Perfect Marriage

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hunterwingler View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote hunterwingler Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Perfect Marriage
    Posted: March/27/2011 at 12:20

NOT MY VIEWS BUT FUNNY NONE THE LESS

Perfect Marriage

RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

I wasn't upset about the black cat crossing my path this morning but mouthing "your fu@#ed" as he passed was just rude.

If Guns kill people mine are all defective
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bugsNbows View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bugsNbows Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 13:32
Excellent Red Skeleton was great! 
If we're not suppose to eat animals...how come they're made of meat?
               Anomymous
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tman1965 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tman1965 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 14:56
LMAO!!Excellent
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GetSome View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote GetSome Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 15:12
Roll on Floor Laughing  That's some good stuff.
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Ed Connelly View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ed Connelly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 16:22
 
 
 
Be sure to visit,

THE ED SHOW

Ju Cucarachas!!!
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SVT_Tactical View Drop Down
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Chief Sackscratch

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/27/2011 at 22:01
Excellent
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scooter65 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote scooter65 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/28/2011 at 06:27
Excellent
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stickbow46 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stickbow46 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/28/2011 at 19:13
ExcellentExcellent
Pearls of Wisdom are Heard not Spoken
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Tip69 View Drop Down
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Tip Stick

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tip69 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/29/2011 at 09:12
He was great!  He did a really cool skit with the "Pledge Of Allegiance"
take em!
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budperm View Drop Down
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show me your sheep!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/29/2011 at 09:15
 
 
 +100 ExcellentExcellentExcellent
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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trigger29 View Drop Down
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X = 180 Y = 90 (X+Pyro)+(Y-Pyro) = ?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote trigger29 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/29/2011 at 18:06
Originally posted by hunterwingler hunterwingler wrote:

NOT MY VIEWS BUT FUNNY NONE THE LESS

Perfect Marriage

RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

This is classic. Seven years ago, my wife asked me where I was taking her for her anniversary......... I told her somewhere she's never been before. Her eyes lit up, and she said: "Hawaii?"............I smirked, and said: "The f#$king kitchen!"

I dissapeared in a real hurry after that..........And I still hear about it to this day.Bucky

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."
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hunterwingler View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote hunterwingler Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/30/2011 at 01:13
Originally posted by trigger29 trigger29 wrote:

Originally posted by hunterwingler hunterwingler wrote:

NOT MY VIEWS BUT FUNNY NONE THE LESS

Perfect Marriage

RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

This is classic. Seven years ago, my wife asked me where I was taking her for her anniversary......... I told her somewhere she's never been before. Her eyes lit up, and she said: "Hawaii?"............I smirked, and said: "The f#$king kitchen!"

I dissapeared in a real hurry after that..........And I still hear about it to this day.Bucky
That was either really brave or dumb I dont  know which one lol
I wasn't upset about the black cat crossing my path this morning but mouthing "your fu@#ed" as he passed was just rude.

If Guns kill people mine are all defective
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budperm View Drop Down
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show me your sheep!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/30/2011 at 06:44
I'm thinking age and testosterone related false bravery!  Wink
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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BeltFed View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/30/2011 at 17:07
It was really dumb, and I'm speaking from experience
Mr. BeltFedChair HitMrs. BeltFed
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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