OpticsTalk by SWFA, Inc. Homepage SWFA     SampleList.com
Forum Home Forum Home > Everything Else > Almost Anything Goes
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Pet Owners....Funny read
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Visit the SWFA.com site to check out our current specials.

Pet Owners....Funny read

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Message
SVT_Tactical View Drop Down
MODERATOR
MODERATOR
Avatar
Chief Sackscratch

Joined: December/17/2009
Location: NorthCackalacky
Status: Offline
Points: 31233
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Pet Owners....Funny read
    Posted: August/05/2010 at 15:34
Dear Dogs and Cats:  The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food.  The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in
the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  Racing me
to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about
this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort, however.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep.  It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched
out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some
miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge in an attempt to open the door.  I must exit through the same door
I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline
attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is:  Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog
or cat's butt.  I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the
front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1)  They live here.  You don't.

(2)  If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4)  To you, they are animals.  To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who
are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...
"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" - Abraham Lincoln
Back to Top
lucytuma View Drop Down
Optics Jedi Knight
Optics Jedi Knight
Avatar

Joined: November/25/2007
Location: Wisconsin
Status: Offline
Points: 5389
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lucytuma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August/05/2010 at 18:03

Having adopted two, four legged children, I can relate.

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." - Thomas Jefferson
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 12.01
Copyright ©2001-2018 Web Wiz Ltd.

This page was generated in 0.141 seconds.