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How the fight started

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scooter65 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
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Joined: December/29/2006
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote scooter65 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: How the fight started
    Posted: August/04/2010 at 05:31

> One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
> Christmas gift...
> The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
> When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
gift
> I bought you last year!"
> And that's how the fight started.....
>
> ______________________________
>
> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
were
> in bed.
> I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
> 'No,' she answered. I then said,
> 'Is that your final answer?'
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> And that's when the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant.
> The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
> "Nah, she can order for herself."
> And that's when the fight started.....
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
> she
> kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
> nearby table.
> I asked her, "Do you know him?"
> "Yes", she sighed,
> "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right
after
> we
> split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that
> long?"
> And then the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
> that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else
to
> take
> care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
> important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her
point.
> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily
> snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently
for
> a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute,
and
> when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you
finish
> cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
> The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
> She asked, "What's on TV?"
> I said, "Dust."
> And then the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
> slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,
> and
> proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
50
> mph, so I
> pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that
the
> weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
> undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back,
> now with a
> different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
> terrible."
> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
> husband
> is out fishing in that?"
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
> She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds."
> I bought her a bathroom scale.
> And then the fight started......
>
> ________________________________
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social
> Security.
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
verify
> my age.
> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and
> come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
> she
> processed my Social Security application..
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> Social Security office...
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too.'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
> "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
> I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
> And then the fight started........

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SVT_Tactical View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SVT_Tactical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August/04/2010 at 07:12

Oldies but always a good laugh every time.

"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" - Abraham Lincoln
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BeltFed View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August/04/2010 at 07:25
My wife had a frown on her face so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm old, fat, and ugly". I said "sweetheart your not old", that's when the fight started. 
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 300S&W Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August/04/2010 at 07:25
    Excellent     They all must have been written either by some guy with a REALLY comfortable couch or maybe he was ~.
"I ain't got time to bleed!"
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bugsNbows View Drop Down
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bowsNbugs

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bugsNbows Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August/04/2010 at 08:28
LOL, those were good.
If we're not suppose to eat animals...how come they're made of meat?
               Anomymous
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