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Texas Wife

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Kickboxer View Drop Down
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    Posted: March/23/2009 at 07:01

It's a Texas kind of wife!

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'  

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a  gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.  
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!  
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.  
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'"

The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess.."

Opinion,untempered by fact,is ignorance.

There are some who do not fear death... for they are more afraid of not really living
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ed Connelly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/23/2009 at 07:11
Be sure to visit,

THE ED SHOW

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 06:02
Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

It's a Texas kind of wife!

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'  

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a  gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.  
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!  
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.  
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'"

The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess.."

 
 I think she meant....shutup and drive the car! Wink
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ed Connelly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 06:25
Like some parts of Texas, a divorce in Wyoming usually means a 12 gauge shotgun.  Shocked     ( I was very lucky a few years ago when my wife divorced me because she was from Texas and I managed to survive it...........) 
 
 
 
 
.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 06:29
Originally posted by Ed Connelly Ed Connelly wrote:

Like some parts of Texas, a divorce in Wyoming usually means a 12 gauge shotgun.  Shocked     ( I was very lucky a few years ago when my wife divorced me because she was from Texas and I managed to survive it...........) 
 
 
 
 
.
Still paying for that barrel I bet! ShockedBucky
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ed Connelly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 06:32
Oh, I had to hock it......I have a chenille bathroom now.....but I do need to go to Walmart and get another shopping cart....this one has got a bad front wheel.....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 07:20
Originally posted by Ed Connelly Ed Connelly wrote:

Oh, I had to hock it......I have a chenille bathroom now.....but I do need to go to Walmart and get another shopping cart....this one has got a bad front wheel.....
LOL, well there is something to being mobile! Bucky
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Urimaginaryfrnd Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 11:00

"Always do the right thing, just because it is the right thing to do".
Bobby Paul Doherty
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 11:35
Originally posted by Urimaginaryfrnd Urimaginaryfrnd wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyGAvulgWmw
 
Read ya LOUD & CLEAR there dad!
I have NO doubt that Ashley can take care of herself!
I am quite sure your little girl has had all the proper training on using a gun and is probably an excellent shot!  Like I said before, you done good, Wes!
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 3_tens Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 13:17
OH-HO Has Helo seen this??????
Folks ain't got a sense of humor no more. They don't laugh they just get sore.

Need to follow the rules. Just hard to determine which set of rules to follow
Now the rules have changed again.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 15:45
Originally posted by 3_tens 3_tens wrote:

OH-HO Has Helo seen this??????
 
Why do you think he has been laying so low the last couple of weeks? Smile
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cyborg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 15:52
I had me a Texas wife. The best part of that skank musta stayed in Texas. Course her mom and dad were both from Commiefornia. That shoulda likely been the first clue to hit it and run. Rather than hit it, and hit it again, and again and again.  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ed Connelly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 17:12
Tell us how you really feel, there, Billy!!!   Roll on Floor Laughing
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 19:42
ShockedEekRoll on Floor Laughing Eek Shocked
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 20:37
Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

It's a Texas kind of wife!

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'  

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a  gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.  
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!  
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.  
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'"

The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess.."



KB, are you sure she's not from Cullman?  That sure sounds like a woman I've known for 24 years now!!!
"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cyborg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 22:46
Originally posted by Ed Connelly Ed Connelly wrote:

Tell us how you really feel, there, Billy!!!   Roll on Floor Laughing
I just did. Smiling Mad
 
 
 
 
 
Laugh
With Freedom comes great responsibility, you cannot have one without the other

An armed public are citizens. A disarmed public are subjects.

OATH KEEPER #8233 Support us, and join our cause.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote helo18 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/25/2009 at 23:40
Originally posted by 3_tens 3_tens wrote:

OH-HO Has Helo seen this??????


Actually, I just saw this!  Peeker
To be prepared for War is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.

GEORGE WASHINGTON
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote farscott Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 05:26
Quote KB, are you sure she's not from Cullman?
As in Cullman, Alabama?  My wife is from Athens (and we now live there), and the woman in the joke sounded like my wife.  In fact, I thought they quoted her.
Scott
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote budperm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 06:08
Originally posted by helo18 helo18 wrote:

Originally posted by 3_tens 3_tens wrote:

OH-HO Has Helo seen this??????


Actually, I just saw this!  Peeker
 
Told ya!   Light It Up
 
Don't worry Andrew, She is a lady.  Wouldn't shoot anybody didn't deserve it! Bucky
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".
--Thomas Jefferson



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dogger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/26/2009 at 07:40
Originally posted by cyborg cyborg wrote:

I had me a Texas wife. The best part of that skank musta stayed in Texas. Course her mom and dad were both from Commiefornia. That shoulda likely been the first clue to hit it and run. Rather than hit it, and hit it again, and again and again.  
 
Billy, sounds like a line out of "Jeremiah Johnson" except you forgot to add:
 
"...meanest bitch that ever balled for beads"
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