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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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" Ok....I've got one.....a beautiful 18 year old Italian girl tells her mama that she's missed her period for two months! Well, the Mom goes to the store and buys a pregnancy test kit--and , sure enough, the girl is pregnant! "
" Mama starts shouting ' Who was this pig that did this to you?!!' And Papa!! Well, he was screaming...' I'm-a gonna bash his-a head in!! I'm-a gonna rip out his-a guts with-a my fingers!!' "
" Well, the girl gets on the phone and makes a call. A half hour later a Ferrari pulls up to the house and a distinguished-looking gentleman, wearing an Armani suit, gets out and walks up to the door. He enters the house and has a word with the irate parents. "
" 'Good evening, folks. I'm terribly sorry about all of this....unfortunately, I cannot marry your daughter because of my personal family situation....you see, I am already married. However, I will take responsibility for this entire situation and I will, naturally, pay for all the costs and I will provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.' "
" ' Additionally' , he went on, ' if the child is a girl I will bequeath to her two retail stores, one townhouse, one beachfront villa in Spain, a Ferrari, and a two million dollar trust fund.
If it is a boy I will give him two factories and a four million dollar trust fund. If she has twins, I will give them one factory each and a two million dollar trust fund for each.' "
" ' However' he continued ' if there is a miscarriage...what do you think I should do?'
" Papa grabs him by the shoulder and says: ' Then you-a gonna try again!' "
Edited by Ed Connelly - August/25/2008 at 22:42 |
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Kickboxer
MODERATOR Moderator Joined: February/13/2008 Status: Offline Points: 23679 |
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Opinion,untempered by fact,is ignorance.
There are some who do not fear death... for they are more afraid of not really living |
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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Edited by Urimaginaryfrnd - August/27/2011 at 21:38 |
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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cyborg stage manager
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cyborg
Optics God Gaseous Clay Joined: August/24/2007 Location: North Georgia Status: Offline Points: 12288 |
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Ed you have a pic for just about everything. LMAO
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With Freedom comes great responsibility, you cannot have one without the other
An armed public are citizens. A disarmed public are subjects. OATH KEEPER #8233 Support us, and join our cause. Cyborg |
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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pyro6999
Optics Retard OT TITAN Joined: December/22/2006 Location: North Dakota Status: Offline Points: 22034 |
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h sh*t this is a family show i cant say nothn
Edited by Ed Connelly - September/24/2009 at 17:48 |
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They call me "Boots"
375H&H Mag: Yeah, it kills stuff "extra dead" 343 we will never forget God Bless Chris Ledoux "good ride cowboy" |
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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" Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Harvey says: ' I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married. Did you? ' Bill replied: ' I'm not sure. What was her maiden name?' "
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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" A distraught woman storms into a local Pharmacy and insists that the Pharmacist sell her a jug of cyanide. ....." ".......The woman goes on to say that her husband has been cheating on her and that she is going to kill the son of a gun [ but she used a nastier word ]. The Pharmacist is astounded!!! He says: ' Lady, I can't sell you a poison like cyanide!! I would lose my license, my store!! My whole life would be in ruins!! I can't do a crazy thing like that!! ' "
" Whereupon the woman, really irate now, pulls out her purse and reaches inside and throws a photograph down on the counter. ' Here is photographic evidence!! ' she proclaims. The Druggist looks at the photo of the lady's husband and his own wife!!
" Oh!! " he says, " I didn't know that you had a prescription!!! "
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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" A man was complaining to his wife about lovemaking. He said, ' Why don't you ever tell me when you're having an orgasm? ' " " She said ' Oh, Honey, I don't like to call you when you are at work!! ' "
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cheaptrick
MODERATOR Joined: September/27/2004 Location: South Carolina Status: Offline Points: 20844 |
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The master stand up comedian IMHO.....
Richard Pryor.........
"Bicentenial Nigger" was hilarious!!!
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If at first you don't secede...try..try again.
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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Edited by Urimaginaryfrnd - August/27/2011 at 21:39 |
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Trays 7940
Optics Master Joined: August/09/2009 Location: Texas Status: Offline Points: 1149 |
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Richard Prior did one about a voodoo woman and a monkey... I cant remember it but I remember I laughed till I cried....
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mike650
Optics God Joined: May/14/2006 Location: West of Rockies Status: Offline Points: 14560 |
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“A hunt based only on trophies taken falls far short of what the ultimate goal should be.” – Fred Bear
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Trays 7940
Optics Master Joined: August/09/2009 Location: Texas Status: Offline Points: 1149 |
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Trays 7940
Optics Master Joined: August/09/2009 Location: Texas Status: Offline Points: 1149 |
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Ed Connelly
Optics Retard God of no Chihuahua Joined: December/16/2007 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 24225 |
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EARTH FIRST
We'll Drill the other Planets later...........
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pyro6999
Optics Retard OT TITAN Joined: December/22/2006 Location: North Dakota Status: Offline Points: 22034 |
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he is damn funny i watched his new special on comedy central last night funny stuff. "ah hell no" |
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They call me "Boots"
375H&H Mag: Yeah, it kills stuff "extra dead" 343 we will never forget God Bless Chris Ledoux "good ride cowboy" |
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