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UPS airlines (funny)

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Chris Farris View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chris Farris Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: UPS airlines (funny)
    Posted: July/25/2008 at 14:47

UPS Airlines

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only  a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,  called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the  aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the  form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next  flight.
 
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of  humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS   pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)by maintenance engineers.
 
By the way, UPS is the only major airline  that has never, ever, had an accident.
 
 
P: Left inside  main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main  tire.
 
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 
P: Something loose in  cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
 
P: Dead bugs on  windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
 
P: Autopilot in  altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot  reproduce problem on ground.
 
P: Evidence of leak on right main  landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
 
P: DME volume unbelievably  loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

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Bigdaddy0381 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bigdaddy0381 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/25/2008 at 14:51
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer  away from midget
 
 
Thats a good one there. Had me in tears
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BeltFed View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/25/2008 at 15:10
I've got a friend who used to be a A&P mechanic, and they had a similar form. One of their pilots had a problem with the auto-pilot, and noted it on the form. When he got the sheet back the replie was E.S.T.O.. The piot asked my friend what E.S.T.O. meant. My friend looked at the pilot and said "equipment smarter than operator".
 
I work at the airport that the UPS hub is located at, and I have met many UPS pilots (aka flying truck drivers), and I believe Chris.
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dale Clifford Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/25/2008 at 18:47
whats even funnier is that a great deal of traffic of UPS and USPS is carried by FEDex jets.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cyborg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/25/2008 at 19:14
Some of the answers that the ground support crew are giving, LOL They make me proud. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/25/2008 at 19:16
Hmmm... Odd that UPS would have a "target radar" and an IFF (Identification Friend or Foe).

Edited by Kickboxer - July/25/2008 at 19:18
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Urimaginaryfrnd Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/25/2008 at 19:48
I first heard this as an Air Force joke which makes more sense with targeting radar and IFF.

"Always do the right thing, just because it is the right thing to do".
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BeltFed View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeltFed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/25/2008 at 20:11
Most the UPS pilots are ex-military so it still works. They are a good bunch of guys, but they are still pilots.
Life's concerns should be about the 120lb pack your trying to get to the top of the mountain, and not the rock in your boot.
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silver View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote silver Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/25/2008 at 21:06
 
Stick actuator is the preferd term, rather than pilot...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mercenary1947 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/26/2008 at 10:30
 That is hilarious ! Having built those birds for years and did  structural repairs ... they hit home . I miss those guys in the plant and some of the crazy stuff that was done and said ...
you can't imagine ... can't count how many times men and women were caught in areas in the planes ... goin at it !  DON'T EVER LET YOUR WIFE work at an aircraft  factory !  Mouth%20Taped%20Shut
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote martin3175 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/26/2008 at 13:30

can you say midget anymore ?? politically correct or is it "height handicapped?"

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cyborg View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cyborg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/26/2008 at 17:37
I believe they prefer the term VERTICALLY CHALLENGED
With Freedom comes great responsibility, you cannot have one without the other

An armed public are citizens. A disarmed public are subjects.

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