Former colonial rulers overjoyed !!!

Whites overjoyed to discover they all own mines

White South Africans have reacted with amazement and joy to Julius Malemas revelation last week that they are all super-rich mine owners. We thought we were just over-indebted, over-taxed middle-class wage slaves, but it turns out were all millionaire tycoons! said one delighted white person. Screw this soul-crushing desk job: Im off to claim my mine!

Malema, former President of the ANC Youth League and current President of the League Of Opportunistic Political Parasites, has been vocal in his claims that the countrys mines are still owned by boere, and that all whites are fabulously wealthy, mostly thanks to the mining industry.

This morning the countrys white citizens were resigning en masse from office jobs, schools, small businesses and middle-management posts, as news spread about their previously unknown wealth.

Im so grateful to Julius, gushed Barry Beige. If he hadnt done the research, crunched the numbers over who owns what, I would never have discovered that I am in fact a super-rich capitalist and not a junior web designer with 20 days of leave per year.

However, farmer Kosie Kunsmis said he was confused. Julius said that boere own all the mines. Does he mean farmers or white people, because I know fokkol about mining. Come to think of it, I know fokkol about farming too, but at least my family have known fokkol about it for ten generations, so weve managed to be consistent.

Malemas revelations have also unsettled South Africas black mine owners, with many now wondering whether they are in fact white.

Julius has been pretty clear that black people dont own mines, said platinum magnate, Nouveau Riche-Romotswe, adding that she has been checking herself daily for signs of whiteness, such as a love of dogs and cats, and a deeply rooted belief that everything was about to go to sh*t.

Its really confusing because Ive always had a soft spot for pets, and since Zuma came to power Ive believed that everything is about to go to sh*t, so does that mean Ive been a closet white all along? I just dont know any more.

Meanwhile, South Africas small group of whites who were super-rich before Malemas revelations are set to lodge a complaint against him for turning the spotlight on their wealth.

The blighter has gone completely off the script, explained someone who is too rich to have a name. The way its supposed to go is that we pay the politicians to keep us invisible, the politicians keep the workers uneducated so theyre easily manipulated, and then we wait until theyre so poor that theyll work 16 hours a day for a potato.

But all this talk of our money, well, its just not cricket.