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Entertaining letters to the landlord

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/04/2009 at 01:56
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Optics Jedi Knight
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Lord Of The Flies

Joined: March/14/2007
Location: South Africa
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Entertaining extracts of actual letters to Council's housing department:

 

 

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has Fungus growing on it.

 

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

 

3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

 

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

 

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

 

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

 

7. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

 

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

 

9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

 

10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

 

11. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain filthy.

 

12. I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.

 

13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared

 

14. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.

 

15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

 

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

 

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

 

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

 

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

 

20. I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.

 

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/04/2009 at 05:32
Ed Connelly View Drop Down
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God of no Chihuahua

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/04/2009 at 07:17
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that pretty much says it all... funny how things can be taken out of context and made to be absolutely hilarious. 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/04/2009 at 08:01
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Georgia peach

Joined: February/27/2007
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6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous
 
These made me shoot snot. Thanks 8's
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/04/2009 at 15:26
BeltFed View Drop Down
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Laugh AboveWhat Ed said!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/04/2009 at 16:17
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show me your sheep!!

Joined: January/01/2009
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yup, what ED said
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: March/04/2009 at 18:35
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Optics Jedi Knight
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Who is to say if they are truly out of context. So the kid found a ____ hole (Sorry realised wrong forum)
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