Ed's loves his guns...

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   The Dead Parrot

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Ed? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Ed, that your parrot, he is dead.
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?
"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Ed."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Ed."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Senor Ed, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Senor Ed."
"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Ed."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
"Your wife's, Senor Ed. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom-made Wenig Exhibition Grade Stock. "

SILENCE...........

LONG SILENCE.........

VERY LONG SILENCE..............

"Ernesto, if you scratched that shotgun, you're in deep sh*t."