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Craigslist Ad (funny)

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/13/2009 at 12:36
supertool73 View Drop Down
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Superstool

Joined: January/03/2008
Location: Utah
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Points: 9531
Craigslist ad


To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Savannah, GA)


I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you
demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.


I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I
didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you
took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.


You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for Christmas and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when
pointed at your head, isn't it?


I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your
pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your
shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me.


I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try
to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma"
as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation.


I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of
the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash
in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.


I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be
on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Verizon
recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that.


I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about
to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
Oh well.


So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you
did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to
you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you
out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants.


What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to
apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home
humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in
life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message,
email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.

Peace! - Alex

Edited by supertool73 - February/13/2009 at 14:19
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/13/2009 at 12:45
Ed Connelly View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/13/2009 at 14:02
bugsNbows View Drop Down
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Joined: March/10/2008
Location: Florida
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Now that's funny. +1 for Alex.
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