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COWBOY RULES.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/02/2011 at 09:24
Claus View Drop Down
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Cowboy rules for:
 

Arizona, California,Texas, Oklahoma,Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
 


1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
 


2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
 


3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
 


4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
 


5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
 


6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
 


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
 


8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
 


9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
 


10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
 


11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
 


12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in 
Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! 


13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
 


14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
 


15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
 


16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
 

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/02/2011 at 09:37
SVT_Tactical View Drop Down
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Joined: December/17/2009
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Excellent
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/02/2011 at 09:47
jonoMT View Drop Down
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Pretty good, but a couple things: It left out any reference to telling who is a real cowboy, as in "The one who sits in the middle. He don't have to drive and he don't have to mess with the gate." Nebraska is just east of the West. Also, isn't I-17 just a connector inside AZ? Better to steer those tofu-eatin', veggie shake chuggers up I-5 to Portland where they belong. Finally, if you fish here in Montana, better know that we throw most trout back in. The ones that get eaten are brook trout - an introduced species from back East (I kill every one I ever get on a line, no matter how small) - and lake trout. Finally, although California is as West as you can get, it hasn't been part of the Wild West since 1849. Big Smile
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/02/2011 at 13:45
Urimaginaryfrnd View Drop Down
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Joined: June/20/2005
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PS - Real cowboys dont wear earrings.
 
And if you cant ride rope and shoot dont try to tell us you're a cowboy.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/02/2011 at 13:58
bugsNbows View Drop Down
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bowsNbugs

Joined: March/10/2008
Location: Florida
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Originally posted by Claus Claus wrote:


Cowboy rules for:
 

Arizona, California,Texas, Oklahoma,Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
 


1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
 


2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
 


3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
 


4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
 


5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
 


6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
 


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
 


8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
 


9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
 


10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
 


11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
 


12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in 
Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! 


13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
 


14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
 


15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
 


16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
 



+100. Nuff said.

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/02/2011 at 20:58
helo18 View Drop Down
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Joined: December/02/2006
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Spot on!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/02/2011 at 21:19
Ed Connelly View Drop Down
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God of no Chihuahua

Joined: December/16/2007
Location: USA
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For years I have been wanting to have a hat embroidered like this:
 
 
 
 
 
                                       FRONT *
 
                * read instruction manual
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/03/2011 at 00:09
tman1965 View Drop Down
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Joined: July/20/2010
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Excellent
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/03/2011 at 15:16
stickbow46 View Drop Down
Optics Master Extraordinaire
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Joined: January/07/2009
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Claus,those are the same things I tell my grand-son.One other thing,when you go to a country dance you hold the woman and two step,not dance in a line with the menBig Smile
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/10/2011 at 19:51
scarface_usmc View Drop Down
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+1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: May/10/2011 at 22:15
billyburl2 View Drop Down
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Joined: January/08/2009
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Not to mention I-19 only runs between Tucson and Mexico...
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