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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/21/2008 at 15:07
koshkin View Drop Down
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Dark Lord of Optics

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ACURA:
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

AMC:
All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Morons Car
Another Major Catastrophe

AUDI:
Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.

BMW:
Big Mormon Wagon
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Break My Windshield
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Barely Moving Wreck
Big Money Waste
Big Money. Why?
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring More Wrenches
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
Broke Man Walking
Bavarian Meat Wagon

BUICK:
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King

CHEVROLET:
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

DODGE:
Drips Oil & Drops Grease Everywhere
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dead Old Dog Going East
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment
Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive

EDSEL:
Every Day Something Else Leaks

FIAT:
Failed Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It Again, Tony!
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD:
Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
First On Race Day
First On Recall Day
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fails On Rainy Days
Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Fault Of R&D
Finally Obsolete Racing Device
Fireball On Rear Denting
First On Road to Dump
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Flipping Over Results in Death
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
Foot On Road Decelerates
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Formed Of Rejected DNA
Forwarded Once; Return Denied
Forward Only; Reverse Defective
Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
Fork Over Repair Dough
Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Funny Old Rattling Dump
(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot

GEO:
Good Engineering Overlooked

GM:
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly Misconceived
Gluteus Maximus

GMC:
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
Generally Mediocre Cars
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Gods Mechanical Curse
Got More Crap
Great Mountain Climber
Great Motor Car

GTO: Gas, Tires, Oil

HONDA:
Had One Never Did Again
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles
Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles

HYUNDAI:
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP:
Just Eats Every Part
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
Just Empty Every Pocket

MAZDA:
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG:
Money Guzzler

MGB:
Might Go Backwards
Most Gears Broken

MGF:
Might Go Forward

MIATA:
My Intention: Always To Accelerate

MOPAR:
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Most Often Passed At Races
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Move Over People Are Racing
Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Running
My Only Problems Are Repairs

MUSTANG:
Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

OLDSMOBILE:
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO:
Put In Nickel To Operate
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

PLYMOUTH:
Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

PONTIAC:
Poor Old Numbskull Thinks Its A Cadillac

PORSCHE:
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB:
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU:
Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA:
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH:
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

VOLVO:
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW:
Virtually Worthless

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/21/2008 at 15:09
pyro6999 View Drop Down
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OT TITAN

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good stuff except the pontiac one had to be "politically" corrected for cable, at least the way ive heard it!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/21/2008 at 15:44
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                                                                           Excellent            Roll on Floor Laughing           Laugh          Roll on Floor Laughing
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/21/2008 at 18:59
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Have You Driven A Ford Lately?

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Good one ILya! 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/21/2008 at 19:33
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Thunbs Up
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/21/2008 at 19:37
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ROLL TIDE ROLL

Joined: January/03/2006
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PINTO:
Put In Nickel To Operate
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

That is an Understatement!!!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/21/2008 at 20:29
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Originally posted by pyro6999 pyro6999 wrote:

good stuff except the pontiac one had to be "politically" corrected for cable, at least the way ive heard it!
 
DittoBig Smile
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/24/2008 at 16:59
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A  Modern Parable.

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American  company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri  River   Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak  performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.  A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advise d, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information,  but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's  management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors,  2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering  manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.  It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers.  There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.  The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Hu miliated, the American management laid-o ff one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all t! he paddle as, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.  The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India .

Sadly, the End.

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty y ears moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US   The last quarter's results:

TOYOTA makes 4 b illion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses...

IF  THIS WEREN'T SO TRUE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/24/2008 at 17:05
koshkin View Drop Down
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Dark Lord of Optics

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Where is tahqua when you need him?

ILya
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: December/11/2008 at 10:59
Bigdaddy0381 View Drop Down
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Georgia peach

Joined: February/27/2007
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B ubba
M akes
W heels
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: December/11/2008 at 11:13
Ed Connelly View Drop Down
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God of no Chihuahua

Joined: December/16/2007
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" I have a hermano who lives in Durango who has thees really strong and stout leetle burro!! I am sure I can get thees little burro for you for a good price in American dollars, Señor........Give me a call on my cell phone........I have a Laredo number ......."
 
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