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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/14/2009 at 15:40
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A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these
implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I
pulled the trigger
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2009 at 11:41
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Sounds just like my Ex!
 
When I used to get mad at her I would tuck her hair behind her ear and look inside, grunt mutter then walk away.  She thought this was funny for about 6 months until I did it in front of one of her friends one day.  Her friend asked me what I was doing?  I told her I was checking the piolt light and that it was out again, my Ex laughed.  Her friend got a strange look on her face but said nothing.  I left to do something in the yard. 
 
When I came back in the house for supper I found a frozen steak on my plate.  I looked at her and said... so you finally found out what a pilot light was didn't you?  She turned red and stomped off to the bedroom without a word.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2009 at 18:25
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Lucky the frozen steak was on the plate rather than on the side of your face.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2009 at 20:06
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Here Nother One
 
 
 
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2009 at 06:02
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Like DUH! Bandito
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2009 at 18:37
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If I let my wife read that, NONE of you guys better EVER come around my house...
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2009 at 19:08
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MAFIA GOLDEN RULE # ONE
 
What gets said in the Mafia STAYS in the Mafia!
 
Or momma wouldn't let most of you play here!
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Dude, YOU are lost... this is ALMOST Anything Goes

You're in trouuuble, you're innin trouuuble...
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2009 at 19:19
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Originally posted by budperm budperm wrote:

MAFIA GOLDEN RULE # ONE
 
What gets said in the Mafia STAYS in the Mafia!
 
Or momma wouldn't let most of you play here!
 
 "We hereby officially deny any knowledge whatsoever of this so-called "Mafia" of which  Mr. Budperm has (so carelessly) spoken..."   Cool
 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2009 at 20:53
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OMG!!!!  Eek
 
I hate it when this happens!
 
 
Good thing the only higher authority I have to answer to is God.  
The one without boobs! Wink
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2009 at 21:31
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hell most of the guys i hang out with their wife dont like me coming around there place either lol i guess i'm just that kind of a guy Smoking Bandit lol< 

Edited by Urimaginaryfrnd - July/23/2009 at 17:24
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2009 at 21:36
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A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.... I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'        


Sorry about web address thing guys trying to get it fixed
 

Edited by Urimaginaryfrnd - July/23/2009 at 17:24
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 05:53
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                                                 Stare 
 
 
 
                                                  No No
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 06:20
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Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

If I let my wife read that, NONE of you guys better EVER come around my house...
 
Is Lori blonde Dan?
 
Notice the distiction between being blonde and being a blonde.
 
Having never had the chance to meet her yet, my current impression of her,
from what little I know, is that she is a very strong woman with a good head on her shoulders.  Able to run a house full of girls and keep you in line without smothering you.
As much as you travel, I am sure that is a very good thing.  You obviously hold her in high esteem and it appears a good dose of fear and that speaks LOADS!  I don't think you would need all the fingers on one hand to list the things you DO fear!  Overall a real Keeper and definitely above the norm!  I consider you a very lucky man to have found someone at least your equal that you can love and get along with.  30 years is quite a testament!  I wish you guys 30 more at least!
 
Just yesterday I was talking to my Ex.  She said she is sorry she ever left and that it was the biggest mistake she ever made.  We were together 17.5yrs and married 15.  Been divorced now 12 years but still get along great (for short periods of time).  If only the Wizard of Oz would give her a brain, she already has the best heart I known!  Just absolutely no sense and doesn't learn from her mistakes the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time!  And yes, I am NOT easy to live with I admit! Clown
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 14:27
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Bud, your a blonde, aren't you, and you have a case of hoofinmouth. You do backpeddle well though.Roll on Floor Laughing
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 14:51
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i stand by the joke i have posted. if i have offended anyone then sorry, guess i u cant take a joke. with all the things i have been threw in my short life u learn how keep laughing in all times good/bad.

 

Edited by Urimaginaryfrnd - July/23/2009 at 17:24
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 14:56
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Well this one got me in loads of trouble with a friend of mine's wife when I told it.
 
A guy was in a bar when this beautiful woman came up to him and said "Jim how are you doing, I haven't seen you since we graduated".
 Jim not recognizing this woman and figuring he was being played, responded with "I'm sorry, but I don't believe I know you".
The woman responded "Sure you do, in school you knew me as Frank".
Jim responded " Frank was a guy, but your a woman".
The woman responded "Yes that's right, I had a sex change operation, and became a REAL woman".
 "A real woman" Jim responded, and a little puzzled.
"Yes" replied the woman, "I had a complete and total sex change".
"Well didn't it hurt when they put those large breast on you?" asked Jim.
 "Well it did hurt a little but it really wasn't that bad.
Then Jim asked "Well it had to hurt when they cut your....well you know, er, ah, your manhood off, didn't it".
The woman responded "Why no silly, in fact it kind of tickled".
 So Jim responded "You mean to tell me that they gave you an operation to make you a REAL and TOTAL woman, and none of it hurt".
The woman replied "Well to tell the truth, it did hurt like hell when they took out half of my brain".
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 15:06
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Originally posted by budperm budperm wrote:

Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

If I let my wife read that, NONE of you guys better EVER come around my house...
 
Is Lori blonde Dan?
 
Notice the distiction between being blonde and being a blonde.
 
Having never had the chance to meet her yet, my current impression of her,
from what little I know, is that she is a very strong woman with a good head on her shoulders.  Able to run a house full of girls and keep you in line without smothering you.
As much as you travel, I am sure that is a very good thing.  You obviously hold her in high esteem and it appears a good dose of fear and that speaks LOADS!  I don't think you would need all the fingers on one hand to list the things you DO fear!  Overall a real Keeper and definitely above the norm!  I consider you a very lucky man to have found someone at least your equal that you can love and get along with.  30 years is quite a testament!  I wish you guys 30 more at least!
 
Just yesterday I was talking to my Ex.  She said she is sorry she ever left and that it was the biggest mistake she ever made.  We were together 17.5yrs and married 15.  Been divorced now 12 years but still get along great (for short periods of time).  If only the Wizard of Oz would give her a brain, she already has the best heart I known!  Just absolutely no sense and doesn't learn from her mistakes the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time!  And yes, I am NOT easy to live with I admit! Clown
All my daughters are blond, too.  No worries... they tell me more "blonde jokes" than you can imagine.  They LOVE them... 
Lori is the most wonderful woman I have ever met.  Hell, I gave up Playboy of Dallas and a shot at the Mansion for her.  
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 18:57
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Originally posted by BeltFed BeltFed wrote:

Bud, your a blonde, aren't you, and you have a case of hoofinmouth. You do backpeddle well though.Roll on Floor Laughing
 
Well...see here mister, I am not  a blonde and I have the hairdye to prove it!  I mean the hair... or... oh darn it!!!!
 
AS far as having hoofinmouth I am simply trying to soften my calluses before my pedicure!  You, you mean man you!!!!   Bucky
 
 
 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 19:02
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I hope that what I am reading is what was typed.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 19:04
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All my daughters are blond, too.  No worries... they tell me more "blonde jokes" than you can imagine.  They LOVE them... 
Lori is the most wonderful woman I have ever met.  Hell, I gave up Playboy of Dallas and a shot at the Mansion for her.  
[/QUOTE]
 
Smart move on your part, it has obviously paid off!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 19:06
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Originally posted by 3_tens 3_tens wrote:

I hope that what I am reading is what was typed.
Its Rifledude, he's putting words on my mouth!
 
I know nothing, I see nothing!  I am nothing...whoops! Wink
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 19:21
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Originally posted by budperm budperm wrote:

All my daughters are blond, too.  No worries... they tell me more "blonde jokes" than you can imagine.  They LOVE them... 
Lori is the most wonderful woman I have ever met.  Hell, I gave up Playboy of Dallas and a shot at the Mansion for her.  
 
Smart move on your part, it has obviously paid off!
[/QUOTE]
 
IMHO smart blondes have it made big time.   Guys don't expect them be be much more than ornamental... Thats when there is hell to pay to the smart ones.  Beware the smart ones!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 19:40
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Roger that... she pretty much owns me... mind, heart, body, and soul.  Only God could come between us and I know He won't do that, because at one of the most critical moments in my life, He sent her to me.  
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/17/2009 at 20:16
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It is good that you see it that way!  You are a man of true wealth!
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