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Bathroom Etiquette at Work

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 09:33
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> HOW TO POOP AT WORK
>
> As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
> inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, the following is a
> survival guide for taking a dump at the office.
>
>
CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the
> smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know
> where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the
> full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
> has left your pants.
>
>
FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and
> check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
> become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
>
>
ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
> forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
> embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend
> it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
> pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable
> for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
> uneasy.
>
>
JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun
> pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
> should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left
> the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
>
>
COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits
> the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up
> the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
> SHAME.
>
>
WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
> have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment
> if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
> that the smell does not exist. Can be minimized with the use of the
> COURTESY FLUSH.
>
>
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud
> of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom
> with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the
> office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
>
SAFE HAVENS: Seldom used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can
> least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
> sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering your
> bathroom.
>
>
TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and
> tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
> vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
> occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
> will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
>
>
CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
> that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
> alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction
> with an ASTAIRE.
>
>
ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars
> that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
> is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
> pooper can poop in peace.
>
>
WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
> water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
> coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
>
>
HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes
> in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
> Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
>
>
UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
> extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An
> Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
> always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well
> as the other bathroom attendees.
>
> Thoughts to ponder while at work. Have a great day!!!
>
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 09:36
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OT TITAN

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Laugh still funny!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 09:42
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What about the porcelain python? I just left one. It was a dandy.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 12:05
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This must be just for office chair jockeys.  I work at a chemical plant and I do believe the only one that applies is the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER and it applies to all male employees.  Don't know about the female types; they have seperate facilities.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 12:15
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We share a bathroom with the public,  I will hold it or go home sick before I stick my tail down here!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 16:12
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Oh the humanity! I was growing up well adjusted until I was scarred for life in grade school. Now I am familiar with all the above proceedures, I just didn't know the terminology. And I was just starting to realize that when you go to the bathroom people don't point and laugh; now I'm not sure.Down the Toilet                                               Peeker
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 16:16
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Chief Sackscratch

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Originally posted by BeltFed BeltFed wrote:

Oh the humanity! I was growing up well adjusted until I was scarred for life in grade school. Now I am familiar with all the above proceedures, I just didn't know the terminology. And I was just starting to realize that when you go to the bathroom people don't point and laugh; now I'm not sure.Down the Toilet                                               Peeker
 
Oh they are always laughing mentally just not always pointing.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 16:38
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Faith worse than death!  Trapped in the Men's room after lunch on Taco Tuesday!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 16:44
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Y'all AIN'T Right!!!    Roll on Floor Laughing
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 19:23
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What section are we in???   

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 21:20
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plumbing duh!!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 22:17
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Laugh Above  Thunbs Up  good one Hunter! Excellent
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/19/2010 at 22:19
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       Bye-Bye..... ED!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/20/2010 at 08:01
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Originally posted by Steelbenz Steelbenz wrote:

Y'all AIN'T Right!!!    Roll on Floor Laughing
 
And we all freely admit it too.Bucky
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/20/2010 at 08:06
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Originally posted by pyro6999 pyro6999 wrote:

plumbing duh!!!
 
Razor sharp , bro.Indiana Jones
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/28/2010 at 04:50
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LOL
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/31/2010 at 11:33
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/31/2010 at 11:44
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Use of explosives to catch fish..... I like it!!!!!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/31/2010 at 11:55
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/31/2010 at 12:02
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Fart Fishing!  Another fine tradition started in the south by us good ole boys! 
Just like Noodling!
Although Noodling has changed drastically since it started in the swamps and bayous.
Now they use they hands! 
How do you think they came up with the name Noodling???
Incidentally, Noodling is also credited with the birth of the phrase "Look maw, no hands"
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/31/2010 at 12:02
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/31/2010 at 12:10
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: January/31/2010 at 12:12
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Damn!  Laugh  Think I just found a new fishing partner!!!
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