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ATTENTION OT FAITHFUL!!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 18:00
RifleDude View Drop Down
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I've just now built up the courage to discuss this most humbling of events...
 
On Halloweeen day, Friday, October 31st, I visited SWFA to pick up a new toy that my lovely bride graciously gave me the go-ahead to purchase... at least that's how I interpreted the mumbling noises she made during her sleep.
 
Anyway, I actually met HER MAJESTY, THE OPTICS GODDESS, STEPHANIE (with our greatly reduced emoticon palette following the forum software upgrade, I was unable to find an appropriate emoticon to insert here to properly convey the emotions of this awe-inspiring event), brief though it was!!!!
 
It was a surreal experience!  I was talking to CF and CF2 at the front, when suddenly, CF2 called THE GODDESS to the storefront!  My heart immediately skipped a couple beats!  What would I say?  What shall I do?  Am I worthy of this moment?  What is the proper etiquette in this situation -- should I kneel, bow repeatedly, or what?  I've never been in the presence of royalty before!  After what seemed an eternity passed as I was sweating and shivering in terror mixed with anticipation, I thought I heard the faint sounds of a choir singing in beautiful harmony as an intense light source suddenly illuminated the hallway!  A parade of servants wearing golden armor emerged into view first, waving long palm branches and tossing rose petals onto the floor to form an aromatic carpet of crimson in preparation for HER MAJESTY's arrival.  In due course, I then beheld the faint silhouette of the Golden Optics Chariot, behind the prancing white stallions, a convoy of chirping doves carrying olive branches and Swarovski binoculars in tow.  I could barely make out the whole scene because of the intense white light emanating from the halo surrounding HER MAJESTY's angelic head.  It was as if my eyes weren't meant to gaze upon this scene, my soul lacking the purity to be awarded this supreme honor.  I had to avert my eyes in reverent acknowledgement of my obvious fallibility, as I am but a mere mortal, not a machine.  Time froze, and I was certain even all atomic motion stopped at that fateful moment.  My breathing was labored, as if an unseen hand had extracted the life-giving oxygen from my lungs.  OH THAT MY HEART SHOULD FAIL!!!
 
As SHE emerged elegantly from HER royal chariot, HER devoted eunuchs gingerly slipped HER bejeweled crystal slippers upon HER dainty feet.  HER royal sceptre in hand, SHE gracefully hovered toward me along the rose-petaled trail and gazed toward my presence.  I dared not make eye contact, for fear HER white-hot, awe-inspiring luminance would melt my corneas, rendering me forever blind.  No words exist that could adequately describe HER other-worldly beauty and grace!  I TRULY WAS NOT WORTHY!  I waited with bated breath of what glorious events may transpire before me during my all-too-brief brush with GREATNESS.
SHE extended her sceptre and stated simply, in a voice simultaneously beautiful and vengeful:  "Forsooth, who is this peasant?!  I command ye -- get thee from MY sight!"  SHE then turned HER liquid eyes toward the invoice from my purchase, a very faint smile forming upon HER glistening ruby lips.  I cowered in reverent admonishment of my inadequacy, contemplating the futility of my very existence.  Though I forthwith slipped out into the balmy Texas night in humbled silence... before I heard the door angrily slam behind me, I faintly heard HER GRACIOUSNESS mutter "Verily, as thou art a faithful servant with thy purchase...petty though it be...when thou doth diest...on thy deathbed...thou shalt receive...total...consciousness."
 
...so, I got that goin' for me... which is nice.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 18:09
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Holy Sh*t Ted you missed your calling,  that is down right good literature. 
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 19:12
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I think she just came out and hit you between the runnin lights with a stick for not spendin more, and this is what you dreamed.
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 19:40
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Originally posted by BeltFed BeltFed wrote:

I think she just came out and hit you between the runnin lights with a stick for not spendin more, and this is what you dreamed.





LOL
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2008 at 23:08
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 07:07
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Jeezus Ted, brought tears to my eyes just reading that!
 
So as I understand it, you and Carl got "total consciousnes" goin for ya courtesy of the Optics Goddess.
 
I am humbled.


Edited by Dogger - November/14/2008 at 07:08
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 07:29
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Better check your purchase.... maybe that was the light from THE GOLDEN RING reflecting in your eyes!
 
(PS Nice post there Rifledude !)
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 12:39
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This is the story from a man that fully understands that she holds the power to really screw with ones orders. Having visited SWFA I fully understand the background of Rifledudes work. The literary work of a true craftsman.   









Edited by 3_tens - November/14/2008 at 12:40
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 13:06
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Try dealing with cleaning up after the horses EVERY DAY! Horse PoopCencored

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 13:35
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Nice composition Dude! But you obviously slipped and hit your head on the way to SWFA after having watched Cinderella with the kids. Try to be more careful when you leave the house, The kids must be leaving skateboards or something just outside the door! But now the truth be known, when I do place an order for my scope. If she answers I will probably forget what I was doing for fear of interupting her Majesty. Bubble Bath
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 13:42
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Sgt. D
I have also had the pleasure of talking to HER GRACIOUSNESS and not only will she take care of your order, she will enlighten you on how Customer Service is supposed to be done.
Even when your order is heading the other side of the country from where you are, she can and will lasso that critter and get it to you.

By the way!!!   THANK YOU STEPHANIE!!!!

I don't forget good service ever!!!


Edited by Steelbenz - November/14/2008 at 13:44
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 14:02
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Embarrased
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 14:12
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Originally posted by Chris Farris II Chris Farris II wrote:

Try dealing with cleaning up after the horses EVERY DAY! Horse PoopCencored

 
At least you know your role.  Clean up on isle 12 by the way.   CHOP! CHOP!
 
 
edited to correct spelling of roll to role ( I really BigDaddied that one)Bucky


Edited by Chris Farris - November/14/2008 at 20:00
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 14:15
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2008 at 16:49
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Originally posted by Chris Farris Chris Farris wrote:

Originally posted by Chris Farris II Chris Farris II wrote:

Try dealing with cleaning up after the horses EVERY DAY! Horse PoopCencored

 
At least you know your roll.  Clean up on isle 12 by the way.   CHOP! CHOP!


Well CFII,
remember its painting your truck and letting have toys. learn from the best and maybe your Uncle will promote you to Bagboy!!!


Roll on Floor Laughing 

Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/15/2008 at 15:34
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And I was expecting the porn star hottie version of the story. Devil
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/15/2008 at 17:38
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Originally posted by RifleDude RifleDude wrote:

As SHE emerged elegantly from HER royal chariot, HER devoted eunuchs gingerly slipped HER bejeweled crystal slippers upon HER dainty feet. 


Interesting recount of your SWFA visit, Ted.  Just out of curiosity which one of the Chris Farris'es over there was the eunuch? Not that I care; just curious (and please, no pictures).

ILya
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/16/2008 at 00:22
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Chris Farris I after all Ed got his "FRUIT BASKET"
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/17/2008 at 08:13
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/17/2008 at 16:08
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Originally posted by koshkin koshkin wrote:

Originally posted by RifleDude RifleDude wrote:

As SHE emerged elegantly from HER royal chariot, HER devoted eunuchs gingerly slipped HER bejeweled crystal slippers upon HER dainty feet. 


Interesting recount of your SWFA visit, Ted.  Just out of curiosity which one of the Chris Farris'es over there was the eunuch? Not that I care; just curious (and please, no pictures).

ILya
 
Since both of these kind, gracious gents have the ability and ammunition to really get even with me if they chose to do so...
uhhh... neither!Wink
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/17/2008 at 16:18
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He is referring to the barrage of cameras that attacked him like, paparazzi on a half naked Britney Spears, when he walked in the door.  We've got photos of the elusive, "Wilson" and some good ones too I might add.

Stiring The Pot
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/18/2008 at 01:22
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Ted, you can only blame yourself.  You walked in to Wolfes lair with your eyes open.  If they decend on you, what did you think would happen?  If you ever wondered what you looked like in a dress or a tutu you may find out fairly soon!!!    LOL 
 
 
P.S.
 
I don't think it's going to be pretty!!!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/18/2008 at 13:29
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I have a picture of "Wilson" too...............MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Devil
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/18/2008 at 18:04
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Fellas, can we please change the subject?  This thread is about the radiant OPTICS GODDESS, and not only are you guys hijacking the thread, it's in poor taste and disrespectful to HER MAJESTY to suddenly change a thread about HER to focus on lil' ol' insignificant me!
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)     Back to Top Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/18/2008 at 18:10
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Not entirely, see we are well aware of the monumental laughs that she would derive from such artistic endeavors. Especially when Chris I, and Chris II show her the intricate details of how Photo shopping can be so, well how do I put this? Let's just say that with the high stress atmosphere that her highness resides and thrives in, such endeavors could be very therapeutic. Yippee 
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